Solitary - Comfort Zone

Sometimes I feel that when I'm alone, I will become stronger. Emotionally. But, there will be an urge to find someone familiar. Someone I knew for some time. It happens when I'm not with my new friends. Everytime, when I want to try out something new, I will start asking my new friends for opinions. They affect my decisions. Something different from what I originally wanted to do. Regrets came in later. Wilful or not. Clever or not. Don't I want to make my own decisions?

When I'm left out, alone. The time which I make my own decisions. I do things that I had wanted to do. Instead of me sticking around my friends. Different things happened. For a moment, I'm happy. Then, I felt lonely. I wanted companions who share my ideas, who support my decisions, support me. I would look through my contacts, searching for someone who I can find, who I think will be there for me.

Family doesn't come into mind. It's my friends. Old friends which had went through years with me. Calls and short messages. Then I waited. Looking around me, I felt even lonelier. I feel like going with anyone beckoning me. Someone called me. My heart filled with hope. Hoping it was someone who was close to me. But it was someone new in my life. Someone who had pushed over my decisions. Is it time for me to let go?

Not that lonely anymore. But why? Don't I miss them? Didn't I just hoped for them? Someone called me because he just need someone to be with him til his special someone comes. Why do I care? Wasn't he just using me? Or is he lonely too? I am. But wouldn't I be alone again, after his someone comes? I will be.

I left alone. Holding on. Nothing. I wanted to see no more. Closed my eyes. Trying to make myself oblivious to anything. Anything that will make me appears to be a nonsocial. That day, I snuggled back into the warmth of my home. Early.

*Solitary - Comfort Zone*

Where had "you" been?...