28th August 2008 1:36 pm Not-A-Raining Afternoon Thursday

Yeah. Sheesh. I didn't kill myself after my previous post, and I was not emo-ing during that period of time. Seriously. And.. I wasn't really thinking a lot of my ex gf(s).

Well, I don't forget stuffs easily. That is all. I can always recall and it will always be part of the memory. For example, lamegodzilla is related to Dawn. Oh nooo. But I kinda like the name. The format which I used for heading, was learnt when I started writing my personal diary for YaYa. Oh nooo. I like the format. =) That's all. I remembered that I tore the diary one morning after drinking a tad too much. But it should still be at my place. Somewhere. Along with other stuffs.

Perhaps I shouldn't be so sentimental, and start throwing stuffs away like I wanted to when I tore the diary. =X But well, that's just not me. ( I think the tearing of diary scared my friend who was already heartbroken when she asked me out that time. She never ask me out again! =P )

Anyway, it has been a busy week? No. (- -,) I'm just slacking with my final report and AES + bballing everyday. I went for the NUS art bash 2008 with Esther. Oh my. It is a beauty pageant. And, most of the girls are really attractive. Yeah. Seriously CHIO. Even those that weren't on the stage. But most importantly, Esther's friend won. x) Yeah. She is the most attractive among the contestants. Tracce. And her goal in life is to be a housewife!

Yeah. I won't mind a pretty housewife! Wait. I mean I would love it. Haha. Well, all of Esther's friends, which in my opinion (IMO), are attractive ladies. Janet, Debby and Tracce? Alright alright, Esther is cute too. =) Anyway, Debby, Esther and me went wandering around city area after the art bash. ZOUK's music wasn't really to their liking so they left early. First, we were 'exploring' Clarke Quay with Gillian and Dhan, and ate at Mac. Then we ended up at MindsCafe.

Well. Debby amazed me with her command of english. Oo Yeah. Even Esther too. Shessh. It's kinda sad eh. But well, we had fun during with the games, but it closed at 3am. Damm. I almost figured out that game already! Well, so we ended up walking to Orchard cineleisure. Esther and Debby were singing whenever they have the chances to. =) Nice. It actually feels good being with them, as it wasn't the kind of gathering where it is awfully quiet. Moreover, I only know Debby that day.

And by the time we reach cineleisure, it has already closed all its tix booths. ZOMG! so we walked for nothing! -_- Nah. We sneaked into the cinema to watch the endings for Journey to the Center of the World and 12 Lotus. Ha! Esther was suggesting it. Debby just stood up and walked in once there's no one there. Woo! Go Debby Go! Oh yeah. Debby couldn't understand much of the dialogue in 12 Lotus, but Hey! I can't too. Dialects ftw. Journey was a tad absurd but exciting to watch. =) while 12 Lotus was .... funny yet full of sorrow.... I think I will get emotional if I watch the entire movie instead of "Huh HUh?" like I did at the end.

^^ Sunday sleep. Bball & mess around with young peeps.

Last week of FYP. Yeah. I'm still waking up feeling uber tiredness. I don't get it. I slept early, yet every morning, I woke up to my alarm. I just feel UBER TIRED. Maybe it is the lack of drive in me to go to school everyday. Sigh. But Yeah. I'm working hard.

Anyhow. Seeya. 2:21

20th August 2008 Wednesday, after rain 4:35 pm

I felt like blogging again. Well, after Sun and Cheeka left my lab, it is kinda quiet here. My Ng showed his power of chasing people off without actually saying it again! Splendid display of skills here. :) Heh.

So here I am.. alone, in this cold, brightly lit room. But I'm not thinking negatively at the moment. The mood isn't right. Hrm, Maybe I should turn off the lights eh? Haha. But I can't get someone off my mind. Not the first time this happens. I still couldn't fathom the effect of liking someone. If the liking is genuine, why is it that it changes time to time?

What's the real idea of labeling someone as your respective partner? So that you can have he/she all by yourself? Seriously speaking, whatever stuffs you do with your respective partner can also be done with your respective friends. Well, unless you are too shy to kiss your best friend. Heh. :) Or maybe some other motives. Or perhaps it is a trend from watching too much drama serials where everyone is searching for love.

I actually agree with one of my ex-gf's comment that she said when she requested to break up with me. She said something similar to " I don't need a boyfriend just because I want him to listen to me, be there for me, to care for me, etc. " and followed up by "A friend can do the same. " and then " Let's just be friends? " and then "cries T.T QQ sobs BBQ " . In the end, she got another bf.. well, I'm not sure when.. since we aren't really "friends" for some time after the break up.

Okay. -_- Interesting. Life's full of contradictions. And people always try to sound noble and dignant about whatever they do, or say. But it all falls back to what they want to achieve and receive by doing such acts.

OKAY. What I really want to say, I want to really like someone, love someone. But I can't quantify it in my mind. Do you know that by saying "I don't know if I love you" is actually me being very honest to any relationships I have been in? Of course, that phrase can be followed by "I just wanna see you, but I miss you, but I can't bear to see you cry" to make the perfect combination.

No, I am not lying. Thus I couldn't say "I love you" blatantly. Maybe I'm just a tough shell to crack. I'm just not sensitive enough. I just don't lie enough? Hrm.

*Personally, I think you lied too much to cover my own ass* [ hey, no you didn't. You didn't even bothered to lie about coming late to school, to work, to meet your friends ] *hey, can you just lie about that? and appear all nice and stuffs in your own blog* [ What...? Shessh. Fine. /wrist ]

Why am I thinking about all this? Perhaps I'm just confused. I'm too complicated for my own good.

At least I'm not feeling all negative. :)

* note to self, I'm actually laughing a lot more on the bball court *

Ciaos. :)

5:25 pm

19th August 2008 1:46 pm Cloudy noon?

Oo hrm, I'm 20 now. Sigh. Thanks for the treat at Botak Jones. Polar, JW, KS and my bro? =) At least, my birthday isn't that quiet this year. It is not loud either. I know friends who host parties, bbqs, or chalets just for their birthdays. Yeah. Maybe I should have one, to make myself more like-able-cum-popular? Haha

-Hungry- 1:52 pm -left for food-
-Back- 2:12 pm

Hokay. So I'm back from lunch. Zzz, feeling damm sleepy now. *takes out mp3* hrm.. haha Ok. Much better with some music in my head. ^^ Anyhow, my project work is nearing its end. Yeah. It is gonna meet its marker. LoL. Pun eh? Gonna write up a report/thesis, as well as a webpage showing my project. I mean.. huh? What? My project? Sheesh.

Yeah, that's about ALL I need to do in 2 weeks, BUT I know nuts about the webpage thing. So I'll have to learn from scratch. Oh wellz. Not that tough to learn, as long as I can keep myself from falling asleep and distracting myself.

The ironic part is.. I keep distracting myself from finish this blog entry. Ok.

I'm beginning to feel better. Mr Ng talks a lot, but it isn't that all crap at all. I have to agree with some things that he says. Note that I said some things. =) But alright.

Hrm, 2 more weeks to see if I will stop thinking about her. It is kinda weird though. But I like to see her smile, laugh and play. It's that simple.

3:39 pm -lol long post eh?-

14th August 2008 12:45 pm

Lots of thoughts, and emotions. I wanna scream, tear, rip things apart. No. I didn't quarrel with my bf... =P Like my other friends. But.. it is just.. I don't know anymore.

This world is just too complex. Messy. I don't get it. It is making me complex. Let nature takes its course, but then it is Man who change the nature's course. If we are, but some animals, living, ending life, and leaving life behind, wouldn't it be peaceful?

I want to rest, do things that I like, learn things that I'm interested in, love somebody , be loved by somebody. That's just too many wants. And there's a price to pay for every wants. 24 hours a day, just isn't enough anymore. Average lifespan of 80 years? Not sufficient. And out of that 80 years, 50% of it will be used on earning money for this frakked up world.

No, I do not want to end up working at Cash Convertor carrying a bagpack with me and take MRT everyday and carrying a tummy in front. I was looking at this man on the train. No, I'm not looking down on him. I just don't want to be like him. Be like that. But what can I do?

Sigh.

Monday 10:30 11th August 2008

Alrighty, I'm in school at the moment. China VS USA basketball yesterday was much more exciting than the Iran VS Russia version. Hell. Lots of dunks, fastbreaks, 3-pointers, and great passes.

Ok, too busy to concentrate on blogging.

11:51am. lol. I was doing other stuffs. =P

Bye

Sunday Afternoon 1:14 pm 10th August 2008

Alright, I managed to rest a bit yesterday morning and noon. Then I was lured out to play some basketball at the evening. :) There wasn't really much match play yesterday, so it was just sit around and talk section.

Anyway, I want to train myself to be a forward rather than a center. More than anything really.

Polar's gathering yesterday was quite quiet for me. I was sitting alone playing my laptop? :) Not that I really mind. Perhaps I'm just used to be alone.

Basketball match on Olympic games. Iran VS Russia. Man, it really isn't anything like NBA. Russia owned in the first quarter, almost getting a lead of 15 points when it ended at 24-10. It looks like Iran is the underdog, and considerably bleak for Iran. But in the 2nd and 3rd quarter, Russia screwed up on their offense and defense. They changed their defensive formation to 1-to-1 which offered lots of opportunities for Iran players which were stronger under the basket.

Iran closed in the differences to only 8 points. In the last quarter, the pace of the game picks up. Iran started to bombard the defenses with 3-pointers and quick lay-ups. It was doing well till Russia went back to their formation defenses at 2:1:2. They managed to stop Iran's quick offenses and rebounds and managed to retaliate with a couple of quick 3 pointers.

By the last 2 mins, Russia had already managed to pull the score difference to 20 points. I was expecting more from the Olympic games though. It was the preliminary round, I guess.

I really want to play basketball again. :)

- and I really need sleep. geee.

See ya.

[ I'm still waiting ]

7th August Thursday 10:47 pm

Well, I don't know. Maybe Caryn was right. I'm just feeling dam lonely and empty. I need to get more friends and go out more etc etc.

I guess I'm probably anti-social.

I once wondered, why would Alicia worries about having a boyfriend even though she's confident, expressive, out-going? She doesn't enjoy a smooth ride when it comes to relationships. But there will always be guys that will attracts her somehow in some ways.

Dang. I'm not sure what I want to talk about either. Sigh. Confused mind. Let me think while I shower then.

Be back soon?

10:59 pm