20th August 2008 Wednesday, after rain 4:35 pm

I felt like blogging again. Well, after Sun and Cheeka left my lab, it is kinda quiet here. My Ng showed his power of chasing people off without actually saying it again! Splendid display of skills here. :) Heh.

So here I am.. alone, in this cold, brightly lit room. But I'm not thinking negatively at the moment. The mood isn't right. Hrm, Maybe I should turn off the lights eh? Haha. But I can't get someone off my mind. Not the first time this happens. I still couldn't fathom the effect of liking someone. If the liking is genuine, why is it that it changes time to time?

What's the real idea of labeling someone as your respective partner? So that you can have he/she all by yourself? Seriously speaking, whatever stuffs you do with your respective partner can also be done with your respective friends. Well, unless you are too shy to kiss your best friend. Heh. :) Or maybe some other motives. Or perhaps it is a trend from watching too much drama serials where everyone is searching for love.

I actually agree with one of my ex-gf's comment that she said when she requested to break up with me. She said something similar to " I don't need a boyfriend just because I want him to listen to me, be there for me, to care for me, etc. " and followed up by "A friend can do the same. " and then " Let's just be friends? " and then "cries T.T QQ sobs BBQ " . In the end, she got another bf.. well, I'm not sure when.. since we aren't really "friends" for some time after the break up.

Okay. -_- Interesting. Life's full of contradictions. And people always try to sound noble and dignant about whatever they do, or say. But it all falls back to what they want to achieve and receive by doing such acts.

OKAY. What I really want to say, I want to really like someone, love someone. But I can't quantify it in my mind. Do you know that by saying "I don't know if I love you" is actually me being very honest to any relationships I have been in? Of course, that phrase can be followed by "I just wanna see you, but I miss you, but I can't bear to see you cry" to make the perfect combination.

No, I am not lying. Thus I couldn't say "I love you" blatantly. Maybe I'm just a tough shell to crack. I'm just not sensitive enough. I just don't lie enough? Hrm.

*Personally, I think you lied too much to cover my own ass* [ hey, no you didn't. You didn't even bothered to lie about coming late to school, to work, to meet your friends ] *hey, can you just lie about that? and appear all nice and stuffs in your own blog* [ What...? Shessh. Fine. /wrist ]

Why am I thinking about all this? Perhaps I'm just confused. I'm too complicated for my own good.

At least I'm not feeling all negative. :)

* note to self, I'm actually laughing a lot more on the bball court *

Ciaos. :)

5:25 pm