Metamorphosis - Changes

Rant Rant!

2011-04-24T18:54:00.002+08:00

Damm shit feeling.

I always feel like ranting when I'm back here. Or rather. I will be back here when I wanna rant. It is almost a year already ya?

Life has been kind to me. I met a girl. Got together. But it happened pretty much after lots of bball fun with my gang.

I kinda miss my bball fun. Gang. It was so nice to waste time together.

Anyway, I wanna rant. RANT RANT! I hate it how I feel inferior. I hate it how I have to tolerate. I hate it how it feels to be me.

Why do I feel this way? Where's the feeling of love?

Why do I feel so despised?

Why do I feel disrespected?

Why do I feel that I'm being taken for granted?

Why!

Ha. It can go on and on. I rather not ask myself why. It will build up my internal "boiling" point.

I feel like I have been holding back all this anger, that I do not want to show. At least not to this special someone. I have taken it out on my parents, my friends, my colleagues.

I have always held back things about myself.

Should be sleeping..

2010-06-29T04:35:00.002+08:00

I miss typing things. Heh.

Saturday..

2010-01-09T12:59:00.002+08:00

Heh, thanks for the comment Sun. Yeah. Is it depressing? Blearh.. Not sure.

Wahahaha. I'm also very confused myself. I just want to vent my anger. I want to do things that I know which is wrong. The only thing holding me back is my conscience. I really wonder when will I lose it. :P Heh.

I guess.. sigh. oh well. :)

Time to go out.

Friday Night.

2010-01-08T00:36:00.003+08:00

Hmm, I kinda forgot to blog. Argh, just not comfortable with sharing stuffs online, because I don't know who's reading. Heh.

Busy with life recently. Not the kind of life that I'm looking forward to, but I guess this is how adults get by with? Heh.

Well well, Ernest and Mark are both going through breakup recovery. And, well, I am going through no-gf dilemma. :-P and growing-fat-through-the-break illness too. Dammit. Too much slack is UNHEALTHY.

I wonder when will my rage go off. The feeling to destroy things or destroying myself. Haha. Have I been holding back too much in my daily life? Woot. Ok, sometimes I just wonder if this is normal. RAH!

Ah, crap. Again. Mind's blank. Thinks alot, but write nuts. Maybe another day? heh.

A little busy.

2009-12-10T03:53:00.002+08:00

It had been fun and everything. Since when did I feel so busy and not wanting to go anywhere else other than the court to chill out.

Well, mind's blank. Zero inspiration on what to write. Shall continue another day.

New skin..

2009-11-30T21:41:00.002+08:00

Alright, I finally changed my old blog skin, accidentally? It has been being so long since I last blogged anyway. A few months in between posts? Who the fuck follow up with my blog anyway?

Argh.

2009-06-07T20:32:00.002+08:00

Sighness. At all the chaos going on in the world. H1N1 and economic downturn.

I don't have much to write actually. I will only be lamenting about stuffs as usual.

Too much things that I can do, but I spend little time doing it. Like learning the guitar which I borrowed from Sherry a long time ago and still not return her yet in spite that she called me a few weeks ago and said that it is okay to return her some time when I'm free.

Happy Birthday to Polar dude. Good to see you moving on in life. You don't have that dark shadow over you that you had back then when everything went down for you.

Fine. I guess no one will notice that I had blogged anyway. Too lazy to get the retarded tagbox online. Feh. It just get neglected everytime and die like a tamagotchi. I should start a graveyard soon for all my tagboard 'pets'.

Life is pleasant when you get more than what you expect and yearn for. So yeah. Set it to low.

Oo Title?

2008-09-11T01:20:00.003+08:00

Thursday 11th September 2008 1:21 am Clear night.

Hrm, being a long time since I blogged eh. Had been busy with my "break". Actually, I "graduated" already, so I won't be going to school eh? It just means I have to work right? dammit.

The night is so clear tonight. It was crimson red the past few days. I guess it will rain tomorrow afternoon then. I jogged my usual 5 km in 22:53 today, by referring to the total time of the songs I listened to during the run. Music is becoming a part of my life. It takes away awful feelings from within me, and replaces it with vitality. It takes away the loneliness from my everyday life.

I went to Sentosa last week and got this nice tan/burn. I should had really wore a sleeveless. [ I can't go topless due to my skin condition of my back. ] {Yeah it sucks. } It was fun, going out with all of them. Alex, Armanda, Wei Lun, Ku Chen, Ivan, Edlyn, Jin Pei, Nicholas. Of course, Mark and Jeremy joined me afterwards, but they were damm late due to work. XD It rained but it didn't really affect our mood. [ I was lucky to get some allowances from my sister {Yeah it sucks again, I should work right? } ]

Oh yeah, I started playing with DanceDanceRevolution. -_- lol. Thanks to Edlyn and Jeremy. It is really fun, but hell.. it makes me sweat in an airconditioned environment. -_- Bloody hell... I guess I will bring spare shirt next time. And yeah, I still need more time to become a "veteran".

Okie, I sidetracked a bit and went to travian forums. Guess my short attention span is still haunting me. Ok. I did it again.

Anyway, I went to a wedding dinner this week. It really get me thinking. Wedding/Marriage is really way out of my world at the moment. I had never at once thought of it at all, lest the one time when Yaling asked me. Oo. *shocked* lol. But yeah. As much as I want to find a companion, I have not thought of marriage at all. Is it demeaning? Oh yeah, the groom is 25 this year, and way more handsome than me. :) Grins. The feeling seems so out of reach for me.

Okie. So most of the time that I spent for the past 2 weeks were on BBall and mixing around with new-found friends. And spending it alone at home? =X [ I just have to make myself sound miserable everytime eh? ] I will be going to work tomorrow with Mark and Jeremy.

Ah yeah. Jeremy. It is his birthday today. I noted that my relationship with him improved after I broke up with Yaling. I'm actually spending more time with him now, taking part in his activities and eating meals with him. I have been neglecting my family as much as I thought they had neglected me... I guess.. Double-edged thinking eh? Jeremy actually told me off once about spending too much time with Yaling. I can't remember when, but I guess I was really oblivious about the feelings of my family.

Oh nice. I almost spent 1 hour blogging. Time to sleep. :)

Ciaos. Btw.. my feeling.. Why won't it just die.. What should I do with it..

^^ 2:21 am. Clear night.

2008-08-28T13:36:00.002+08:00

28th August 2008 1:36 pm Not-A-Raining Afternoon Thursday

Yeah. Sheesh. I didn't kill myself after my previous post, and I was not emo-ing during that period of time. Seriously. And.. I wasn't really thinking a lot of my ex gf(s).

Well, I don't forget stuffs easily. That is all. I can always recall and it will always be part of the memory. For example, lamegodzilla is related to Dawn. Oh nooo. But I kinda like the name. The format which I used for heading, was learnt when I started writing my personal diary for YaYa. Oh nooo. I like the format. =) That's all. I remembered that I tore the diary one morning after drinking a tad too much. But it should still be at my place. Somewhere. Along with other stuffs.

Perhaps I shouldn't be so sentimental, and start throwing stuffs away like I wanted to when I tore the diary. =X But well, that's just not me. ( I think the tearing of diary scared my friend who was already heartbroken when she asked me out that time. She never ask me out again! =P )

Anyway, it has been a busy week? No. (- -,) I'm just slacking with my final report and AES + bballing everyday. I went for the NUS art bash 2008 with Esther. Oh my. It is a beauty pageant. And, most of the girls are really attractive. Yeah. Seriously CHIO. Even those that weren't on the stage. But most importantly, Esther's friend won. x) Yeah. She is the most attractive among the contestants. Tracce. And her goal in life is to be a housewife!

Yeah. I won't mind a pretty housewife! Wait. I mean I would love it. Haha. Well, all of Esther's friends, which in my opinion (IMO), are attractive ladies. Janet, Debby and Tracce? Alright alright, Esther is cute too. =) Anyway, Debby, Esther and me went wandering around city area after the art bash. ZOUK's music wasn't really to their liking so they left early. First, we were 'exploring' Clarke Quay with Gillian and Dhan, and ate at Mac. Then we ended up at MindsCafe.

Well. Debby amazed me with her command of english. Oo Yeah. Even Esther too. Shessh. It's kinda sad eh. But well, we had fun during with the games, but it closed at 3am. Damm. I almost figured out that game already! Well, so we ended up walking to Orchard cineleisure. Esther and Debby were singing whenever they have the chances to. =) Nice. It actually feels good being with them, as it wasn't the kind of gathering where it is awfully quiet. Moreover, I only know Debby that day.

And by the time we reach cineleisure, it has already closed all its tix booths. ZOMG! so we walked for nothing! -_- Nah. We sneaked into the cinema to watch the endings for Journey to the Center of the World and 12 Lotus. Ha! Esther was suggesting it. Debby just stood up and walked in once there's no one there. Woo! Go Debby Go! Oh yeah. Debby couldn't understand much of the dialogue in 12 Lotus, but Hey! I can't too. Dialects ftw. Journey was a tad absurd but exciting to watch. =) while 12 Lotus was .... funny yet full of sorrow.... I think I will get emotional if I watch the entire movie instead of "Huh HUh?" like I did at the end.

^^ Sunday sleep. Bball & mess around with young peeps.

Last week of FYP. Yeah. I'm still waking up feeling uber tiredness. I don't get it. I slept early, yet every morning, I woke up to my alarm. I just feel UBER TIRED. Maybe it is the lack of drive in me to go to school everyday. Sigh. But Yeah. I'm working hard.

Anyhow. Seeya. 2:21

2008-08-20T16:34:00.002+08:00

20th August 2008 Wednesday, after rain 4:35 pm

I felt like blogging again. Well, after Sun and Cheeka left my lab, it is kinda quiet here. My Ng showed his power of chasing people off without actually saying it again! Splendid display of skills here. :) Heh.

So here I am.. alone, in this cold, brightly lit room. But I'm not thinking negatively at the moment. The mood isn't right. Hrm, Maybe I should turn off the lights eh? Haha. But I can't get someone off my mind. Not the first time this happens. I still couldn't fathom the effect of liking someone. If the liking is genuine, why is it that it changes time to time?

What's the real idea of labeling someone as your respective partner? So that you can have he/she all by yourself? Seriously speaking, whatever stuffs you do with your respective partner can also be done with your respective friends. Well, unless you are too shy to kiss your best friend. Heh. :) Or maybe some other motives. Or perhaps it is a trend from watching too much drama serials where everyone is searching for love.

I actually agree with one of my ex-gf's comment that she said when she requested to break up with me. She said something similar to " I don't need a boyfriend just because I want him to listen to me, be there for me, to care for me, etc. " and followed up by "A friend can do the same. " and then " Let's just be friends? " and then "cries T.T QQ sobs BBQ " . In the end, she got another bf.. well, I'm not sure when.. since we aren't really "friends" for some time after the break up.

Okay. -_- Interesting. Life's full of contradictions. And people always try to sound noble and dignant about whatever they do, or say. But it all falls back to what they want to achieve and receive by doing such acts.

OKAY. What I really want to say, I want to really like someone, love someone. But I can't quantify it in my mind. Do you know that by saying "I don't know if I love you" is actually me being very honest to any relationships I have been in? Of course, that phrase can be followed by "I just wanna see you, but I miss you, but I can't bear to see you cry" to make the perfect combination.

No, I am not lying. Thus I couldn't say "I love you" blatantly. Maybe I'm just a tough shell to crack. I'm just not sensitive enough. I just don't lie enough? Hrm.

*Personally, I think you lied too much to cover my own ass* [ hey, no you didn't. You didn't even bothered to lie about coming late to school, to work, to meet your friends ] *hey, can you just lie about that? and appear all nice and stuffs in your own blog* [ What...? Shessh. Fine. /wrist ]

Why am I thinking about all this? Perhaps I'm just confused. I'm too complicated for my own good.

At least I'm not feeling all negative. :)

* note to self, I'm actually laughing a lot more on the bball court *

Ciaos. :)

5:25 pm

2008-08-19T13:44:00.003+08:00

19th August 2008 1:46 pm Cloudy noon?

Oo hrm, I'm 20 now. Sigh. Thanks for the treat at Botak Jones. Polar, JW, KS and my bro? =) At least, my birthday isn't that quiet this year. It is not loud either. I know friends who host parties, bbqs, or chalets just for their birthdays. Yeah. Maybe I should have one, to make myself more like-able-cum-popular? Haha

-Hungry- 1:52 pm -left for food-
-Back- 2:12 pm

Hokay. So I'm back from lunch. Zzz, feeling damm sleepy now. *takes out mp3* hrm.. haha Ok. Much better with some music in my head. ^^ Anyhow, my project work is nearing its end. Yeah. It is gonna meet its marker. LoL. Pun eh? Gonna write up a report/thesis, as well as a webpage showing my project. I mean.. huh? What? My project? Sheesh.

Yeah, that's about ALL I need to do in 2 weeks, BUT I know nuts about the webpage thing. So I'll have to learn from scratch. Oh wellz. Not that tough to learn, as long as I can keep myself from falling asleep and distracting myself.

The ironic part is.. I keep distracting myself from finish this blog entry. Ok.

I'm beginning to feel better. Mr Ng talks a lot, but it isn't that all crap at all. I have to agree with some things that he says. Note that I said some things. =) But alright.

Hrm, 2 more weeks to see if I will stop thinking about her. It is kinda weird though. But I like to see her smile, laugh and play. It's that simple.

3:39 pm -lol long post eh?-

2008-08-14T12:41:00.002+08:00

14th August 2008 12:45 pm

Lots of thoughts, and emotions. I wanna scream, tear, rip things apart. No. I didn't quarrel with my bf... =P Like my other friends. But.. it is just.. I don't know anymore.

This world is just too complex. Messy. I don't get it. It is making me complex. Let nature takes its course, but then it is Man who change the nature's course. If we are, but some animals, living, ending life, and leaving life behind, wouldn't it be peaceful?

I want to rest, do things that I like, learn things that I'm interested in, love somebody , be loved by somebody. That's just too many wants. And there's a price to pay for every wants. 24 hours a day, just isn't enough anymore. Average lifespan of 80 years? Not sufficient. And out of that 80 years, 50% of it will be used on earning money for this frakked up world.

No, I do not want to end up working at Cash Convertor carrying a bagpack with me and take MRT everyday and carrying a tummy in front. I was looking at this man on the train. No, I'm not looking down on him. I just don't want to be like him. Be like that. But what can I do?

Sigh.

2008-08-11T10:19:00.003+08:00

Monday 10:30 11th August 2008

Alrighty, I'm in school at the moment. China VS USA basketball yesterday was much more exciting than the Iran VS Russia version. Hell. Lots of dunks, fastbreaks, 3-pointers, and great passes.

Ok, too busy to concentrate on blogging.

11:51am. lol. I was doing other stuffs. =P

Bye

2008-08-10T13:13:00.003+08:00

Sunday Afternoon 1:14 pm 10th August 2008

Alright, I managed to rest a bit yesterday morning and noon. Then I was lured out to play some basketball at the evening. :) There wasn't really much match play yesterday, so it was just sit around and talk section.

Anyway, I want to train myself to be a forward rather than a center. More than anything really.

Polar's gathering yesterday was quite quiet for me. I was sitting alone playing my laptop? :) Not that I really mind. Perhaps I'm just used to be alone.

Basketball match on Olympic games. Iran VS Russia. Man, it really isn't anything like NBA. Russia owned in the first quarter, almost getting a lead of 15 points when it ended at 24-10. It looks like Iran is the underdog, and considerably bleak for Iran. But in the 2nd and 3rd quarter, Russia screwed up on their offense and defense. They changed their defensive formation to 1-to-1 which offered lots of opportunities for Iran players which were stronger under the basket.

Iran closed in the differences to only 8 points. In the last quarter, the pace of the game picks up. Iran started to bombard the defenses with 3-pointers and quick lay-ups. It was doing well till Russia went back to their formation defenses at 2:1:2. They managed to stop Iran's quick offenses and rebounds and managed to retaliate with a couple of quick 3 pointers.

By the last 2 mins, Russia had already managed to pull the score difference to 20 points. I was expecting more from the Olympic games though. It was the preliminary round, I guess.

I really want to play basketball again. :)

- and I really need sleep. geee.

See ya.

[ I'm still waiting ]

2008-08-07T22:44:00.002+08:00

7th August Thursday 10:47 pm

Well, I don't know. Maybe Caryn was right. I'm just feeling dam lonely and empty. I need to get more friends and go out more etc etc.

I guess I'm probably anti-social.

I once wondered, why would Alicia worries about having a boyfriend even though she's confident, expressive, out-going? She doesn't enjoy a smooth ride when it comes to relationships. But there will always be guys that will attracts her somehow in some ways.

Dang. I'm not sure what I want to talk about either. Sigh. Confused mind. Let me think while I shower then.

Be back soon?

10:59 pm

2008-07-30T23:50:00.002+08:00

Wednesday 30th July 2008 11:52pm

Well, I felt like crap again today. Why...? Am I getting ignored? Or am I just paranoid? It is moments like this that make me regret what I say, even though I thought I have thought it true properly.

Maybe I'm just tired. Basketball is fun and all, but my heart tells me to win every matches. I just can't play "for fun" without feeling bad afterwards.

That's all I'm gonna say today. The void is getting serious. It kinda hurt now.

Ciaos.

2008-07-27T21:55:00.002+08:00

Sunday 27th July 2008 9:55 pm

Well, it had been almost a week since I blogged. My FYP finally started. Truly started. I mean, I'm supposed to run 12000 cycles now and take more than 500 pictures for documentation. I haven't even start recording the data. OMG. Sigh, so much for slacking for so long. Ha. But I'm still falling asleep nevertheless. But I managed to do 700 cycles in 1 day. So, that leaves me with 11300 cycles in 15 days, which I also have to prepare a report and presentation. Yada yada, gotta work harder this week.

Anyhow, I just came back from bball. I got to know this group of WGS students through my brother last week, and I have been playing with them everyday. Somehow, it isn't that bad playing with younger people. At least they are more active than my group of friends. I really cba to call them out to play anymore. They won't even answer my call, or just reject it in some manner.

^^ Fun. Alright. I shall sleep early today. I hope. :)

10:27 ... I took a shower. :P

2008-07-21T15:19:00.002+08:00

Monday 21st July 2008 3:20 pm

I'm feeling tired today. I slept early yesterday.. erm.. 1:00 sth am. hehehe.. Broke my own rule. Argh. At least I didn't force myself to stay awake to look after my game. :) So I received a msg from choco cookies early in the morning, which caused me to be on time at FYP today. Wow? Haha

But if I reach on time to sleep in the lab, I rather sleep at home? Sigh. I don't think my lecturer will approve either way. Thumb of rule : Sleep earlier. F EH!

Alright, so in the sleepy morning, Sun and Mary came to have lunch/breakfast with me at 11am. Went down to AMK hawker centre to eat. The wanton mee there is zomgwtfbbq tasteless. Mary bought from one store which serve cooled soup, average mee with lots of 'dark colour' sauce while I got one from another which served hot soup, tasteless mee with minimal sauce. - - Ok. So they were bad. Fortunately, I ordered carrot cake for us to share, at least our tastebuds survived. Sun ate the hokkien mee, which I think, is acceptable for hawker price. =X

Then we went to AMK Hub to play at the arcade. We challenged each other to basketball shooting machine, which both of them died in stage 2 with <90 points. Hehehe, I will be humbled enough not to type my own score here. :) Then we played Daytona which is like WTF? I lose? AGAIN? Yeah. I suck at that. - - Sigh. No matter how hard I tried to use the brake, change gear etc etc. I lost to 2 automatic cars. Managed to beat them the last time on Advanced map. - -

We also played the big drum machine again, which I'm the one saving them by managing to pass each stage when they fail. =P After that, it was Afterburner solo for me. I ended up attracting lots of attentions from a bunch of guys. They kinda crowded behind me. - -? Erm, I only managed to reach Innocent Land with 1 credit laaa. Sigh. I can complete the game with 2 credits. It is back to the basketball machine then which I think I attracted some more attention from more guys. Hehe?

Anyway, yeah. I need to get on with my FYP. Sigh. Lots of things to plan, and my lecturer isn't going easy on me. :)

So, Ciaos.

2008-07-20T15:36:00.002+08:00

Sunday 20th July 2008 6:35 pm

Alright. A week has passed again. 4 more weeks till my FYP ends. I managed to prevent myself from failing my National Education. -_-" I have to do one assignment to make up for the missed trip. Good deal eh? :)

Not been going out to jog lately. -_- F EH gaming! I need to moderate it seriously. It kinda loses control every time I start playing. This whole day I have been sitting down in front of my computer, looking at my web based game going on. I don't know what else to do. Game eh? I actually have to find stuffs to do. And DoTA isn't what I want to do today.

I guess I'm starting to like those games that is long term and don't actually last just one hour. It is kinda like RL where you actually work towards a goal, instead of short thrills or profit. [ RL = Real Life ]

Alright. Now for some rules for myself. 1. Sleep before 12am. - - Wow. I hope this would work seriously. I'm tired of waking up tired. Period. [ Thus I'm always late? ] 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.

Ok. Failed at thinking of more. I shall go out and play some more bball today. Good weather. Hope it will lift my spirit a bit. Heh.

Ciaos

6:53 pm

2008-07-16T17:29:00.002+08:00

- Don't feel like putting in the date and time today -

I can't help but to feel lost and defeated. Low self-esteem and morale is kicking in, I guess. Playing games allow me to stop thinking about myself, and concentrate as another being. Winning feels better than anything, but it gets me addicted and hunger for more. Losing makes me feel that I am what I think I am. Accepting defeat, not putting up any fight. I'm losing sight of any goal, I will live better blinded.

I feel like I'm being split apart. One is crying out loud, seeking for attention. The other wants to be left alone, prefered to be unseen. One wants to accomplish stuffs, the other just wants to see the end. One wants to be touched within, the other heighten the wall.

- Negativity ends -

Sighing off from FYP.

2008-07-06T22:15:00.002+08:00

Sunday 6th July 2008 , 10:18 pm

Alright, feeling sick at the moment. F EH! Shouldn't drink when you are sick. Headache + running nose, and a little tad of sleeplessness. Couldn't go for bball and dinner in the end. Sorry JW and KS. Haha

Being 2 weeks since I blogged, stuffs happened. Work work, presentation. All and all.

I don't know what I should blog anyway. Cooped everything up, and no one knows.

Ciaos

2008-06-20T10:35:00.002+08:00

Friday June 20, 2008 10:38 am

Alright, this is the end of the fourth week of FYP. Sad to say that I didn't really do much real work. It's kinda sad for me to say this myself. Seriously, I enjoy doing 3D drawings on NX3 over writing dry reports. I don't really get it when during the 3 years of BME, they emphasized on designs and stuffs.

Yeah ok, my academic results suck big time. But the main problem is the chaotic education system. Do you know how boring it is to go through stuffs that you have zero interest in? The system forces you to do things that you may or may not do well in. Jack of all fields, master of none? Look at my polytechnic result up till now. GPA of < 2.0 , Well sounds bad right? Must be a whole lot of failures and bad grades with no As or Bs or Distinction. Nope. I got a Distinction for NX3 drawings, a few As or Bs along the way. Though I do have multiple bad grades.

Yeah, it is probably not justified for me to use this to debuke the system, as many other people are so "successful" with their lives. Making a living but not making life.

Change of topic. I think I am depressed. I went on a spree on chocolates, cravings for it... Damm.

:P Ok. Ciao. 11:46 ......... took so long to blog. Distracted. :P

2008-06-15T16:15:00.003+08:00

Sunday 4:43pm 15th June 2008

*CHING!!* TRIGGER!

You found a counseling letter. *STARE O,o

Ok, cool. So I was issued a letter.

Anyway, thanks Sun for coming to accompany me for lunch almost everyday. ^^ As well as Ahern and Eileen on Monday. And Guo Ying and Eileen on Wednesday.

3rd Week of FYP wasn't so quiet after all. I guess I should start doing some real work. Finally, NG CT gave me some work to do. I can make use of quiet Monday to write the test method.

I guess I will go jog a little. Gotta lose some weight! *whisper (before I can find a gf. Damm )

^^ see ya guys around! Tag.

O,o 5 minutes entry.

2008-06-13T09:23:00.003+08:00

Yeah. It has been awhile since I wrote something again. It's kinda cool how my tagboard is getting revitalized by the random-ness.

I'm not happy. 3 simple word. Ok. 4. I'm tired. I'm feeling down. I'm feeling empty. I'm feeling sad. LOTS of words. Alright. I guess I should stick to a light tone. Before I start getting my 'young' visitors into depressive mood.

www.sherrymerry.com
My friend's portfolio. Not bad, but the ta-da cheers me up, because it is funny :P LOL.

[ I want to just fade into the background and disappear. Maybe one day. ]

2008-05-28T09:49:00.002+08:00

Wednesday 28 May 2008

Alright. New day new beginning. I'm currently doing Final Year Project now. I'm assigned to Ng Chin Tiong. Lawl. He hate me. nuff said.

The project seems easy enough. Something that I can finish in 2 weeks. How am I supposed to drag this for 12 weeks. Wow. Nevertheless, I'm spending lots of time doing other stuffs, like sleeping.

Marcus, lol. Everfeed. Oh well.

Anyway, I can't think of what to write at the moment. I sweat alot in the morning just by walking to school. W.t.f. . . . . . . . . .

BBL!

2008-05-26T22:34:00.001+08:00

Grief for the loss of a little companion.

Goodbye Mickey.

2008-05-23T02:05:00.002+08:00

23th May 2008 , 0205 am

Shitz, yeah. I'm still awake. Again, tormenting myself with improper time management. I remember me trying to get Green to sleep early and stop studying into wee hours. Guess I'm no better myself. Priorities differ.

Moreover, my priorities aren't really priorities-ous. :D New word of the day. Yup. I can spend time reading Saga of the Seven Suns, chatting with despaired friends, or just blogging/ gaming. ( I have cut down on gaming significantly. ) I have the urge to find something interesting to read. Non-fiction. But, I have no idea where to start or what to search for. NLB is disappointing with all the category like .... Erm.. Cycling, Wars, Food?, Travels. It doesn't trigger my urge to browse through them at all.

Nanotechnology might get my attention. Mmmm, I might have to try the reference section next time, but what good is it if I can't bring it home to read. I tried surfing the wikiversity. Insufficient materials on most interesting stuffs like Nanotech or Sociology. OR uber (ultra super duper) confusing formulas start popping out around lacking much explanation. I lack the IQ to grasp all that crazy characters surrounding those weird lines that look like this.

Did you see it? No? Mmmm, I do not know how to write them either. :D

So, alright, once-in-a-while blog of mine, ciaos.

I will fix the tagboard the next time I come. I hope people will want to leave comments after reading.

14 mins. Record shortest time?

Sunday

2008-05-18T15:39:00.002+08:00

18 May 2008 Sunday 3:47 pm

Kept busy with daily routines, I'm seeing lesser time for myself. It most probably means that I had being too idled the past years. Strictly speaking, I didn't accomplish much during my polytechnic life. I thought it was just a passing phase which I have to endure and study through.

The only time which I participated actively are when I put in effort to my studies, friends and CCA. My memories do not remind me of what happened after I got Yaya in my life. Vague images of daily meetings with her after school, spending time hanging out together, watching dvds, playing games. I neglected my other social circle. This whirled down to me feeling that I do not have much friends nor much attachments to other things in life.

I did not get myself involved with the politics of my class, just a listening bystander. I don't force myself to make friends, to perform, to excel, to compete. My life is plain, dull and uninteresting with the occasion surges with few good friends and Yaya. (Or maybe a few projects in school which I was made to compete due to my group members ;P )

Maybe I should describe this feeling. Do you remember the many times when you leave your house. The unrehearsed action in which you locked your door while you don't notice it, until you are on a bus, trying to recall if you did. The exact analogy of me during these times. I do nothing except for returning home (my other home ;p ). Then I will spend time pondering like I am now, about..erm.. my life? lawl

Though it feels like a privilege now, than the helplessness I felt that the society imposted on me.. and I wrote this knowing that no one wants to read this.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaa okay. I finally shooked off the bloody bold.......... wait.. italics..aaaaa ok good.

Geesus. Flawed programming. :D Ok, I went clubbing yesterday night to celebrate wanshi birthday. Ha! MOS. The place is like a sardine can, and there is lots of fishy guys around. lol. Despicable guys will surround the girls and try their best to execute a couple of grope-ifying stunts in the chaos, or at least feel around. The ironic part is ... the girls knew what they are getting into in the first place. Sigh.

The music that day wasn't exceptionally entertaining, perhaps it was due to the DJ, but it served the purpose. I was practically stoning inside as well, I don't know what to do. Dance? Wait.. you mean shaking around like a bunch of sardines alive in a can? That's the most you can do, and with my build, I was injuring people with my extended elbows and knees and co-accidentally touching something. =/ I can't frigging dance.

Blinding flashes, booming music, fogging dry ice, pretty babes, cool guys. Ah, I had a rumcoke and a whiskey dry. I wanted to drink more but my friends weren't that enthusiastic. Well, Piyo was drunk to a certain extent when I arrived and she didn't really get to enjoy herself. At least not what I saw when I came. I heard Subi got angry with her. :D Man, I want to drink.

At least I had my fun. And the night before I learned mahjong. I wasn't the one who lost the most. :D Fun.

See ya!

47 mins

2008-05-07T20:40:00.002+08:00

7th May 2008, 8:40 PM

I finally managed to sit on this pitiful chair and type my blog again.

A week is gone. Suddenly. Probably due to all the many events going on. The work. The pressure. As well as the pleasure. :D Right.

4E1 gathering was held without any procrastination but it doesn't seem very welcomed. Lots of excuses and broken hopes were given. Informing an hour before saying that they are not coming. Well, I guess they don't feel like going out after ....... procrastinating? =D Escape trip wasn't wondrous but I tried some of the rides which I would never really did without thinking of someone, or 2 perhaps? It did brought back some memories. Won a total of 5 plushies with Polar, spending a total of $20. (2 from scratch cards ) Right, shouldn't have wasted the $$ but it was fun trying to win the big prize, and again memories. Dinner at PizzaHut was the main event for the gathering, ah, no details as I was paying more attention to Wanlin than anyone else. I guess it is due to the different groups of friends there. ( There is only 7 persons and this happened! ) Language and good food played a part too. I was busy with the food! ( I am quiet during meals. )

Marcus THE boss came back from Shanghai and started dumping me with lots of work and maybe high hopes? I'm not sure, but I don't feel justified with the amount of workload that I get assigned to. I don't like rejecting people so I accepted them. Maybe the work that I had done wasn't that visible to them, as it was mainly editing stuffs, and it seems fairly easy to them? Ah, just like how I belittle their pathetic waste of time doing little stuffs within the LONG 8 hours everyday. (Sarcasm.)

At least time passed quickly for me, but I make time for those who cared about me by dropping them emails or smses whenever possible. Even answering a call from someone who is trying to get me to sign up a saving plan. It feels good talking to her as long as she don't bombard me with details of savings etc etc.

I do not have spare cash to save lately. Yeah. IAP allowances isn't the lowest in the world, but I do admit I try too hard to go out with friends, and ends up spending just the right amount ( All of my allowance? ) . Ha, but at least I'm happy. I enjoy companionship and love. Haha :P

I'm trying to make myself strive harder, by having someone in my mind. The exact someone of the 2 that I thought at Escape. :D It probably wouldn't bear any fruit but the faith can go a long way. I'm trying... trying to become a better person, on the outside, in the attitude, and with the emotions. Alright, awful moments in the blog.

It was only yesterday that I went playing bball alone for an hour. Then I went jogging, enduring the cramp and the painful sprain. Then met Caryn on my jogging route accidentally and went playing bball again. I jogged quite a distance though, so yes, I didn't stop on purpose. It was bball and chatting, ending quite late and subsequently resulted in me in sleeping late which made me felt so tired that I went to slept in the toilet at work again.

Yeah. Unhygienic! But at least I won't get stabbed in my dream. No, I didn't see any red bug this time. BUT, it was a hectic morning. Marcus couldn't get the hard copies before his flight, so I had to arrange that for the guy in Penang which got messed up and yeah. Moreover, I had 2 appointments with clients starting from 11 AM. Haphazard. Managed to get Rash to be my backup plan which is duly required while I was meeting ASE client with Yohan. After that was an ESD audit which dragged all the way from 230PM to 700PM. BLOODY..... Ok. I was very pissed towards the end and didn't really want to conduct the testing anymore, but Yohan and Ewoo were around. :D

And so, I came back home after that BLO. . . . . and relaxing in front of my laptop, typing my blog.

Time spent : 40 minutes.

Concealed in my heart.

2008-04-29T23:50:00.002+08:00

29 Apr 2008, Tuesday, 11:50 pm

I think I'm suffering from some mental illness.

I were feeling very tired at work one day, so I decide to hide somewhere to take a rest. After closing my eye, I felt something crawling on my arm. Small little legs climbing on your arm. I opened my eyes, and saw a red bug-like thing. Startled, I quickly swept it off. After a few seconds, I wondered what kind of bug did is that, and searched for it. It was nowhere to be found. A red bug.

Hallucination?

Then, after a pep talk from my supervisor at work about our IAP punch-list. Gone through it and the tiresome discussion on the tasks and projects. I went to have a can of coffee. Half-way through, I almost felt like throwing it. Trashing it on a gutter. I could almost see the coffee splatter all over the place and on the side of the car which was parked beside the gutter. I managed to get a hold of myself, still sitting on the bench which is on the other side of the covered gutter.

I don't know where this goes. I wonder when will I really break down.. Truly broken up into a thousand pieces. I clearly over-estimated my ability to mend myself, instead it is merely concealed.

Bah! Idiot Green didn't reply my sms. Guessed it was not too important.

Alicia! Get well soon. Brace yourself and be who you are. Keep those restrains till you get older. Do whatever you want to do now. Going abroad to study or any other matters. You won't be young and impulsive a second time after a decade. :)

Goodnight to all. My beloved friends.

2008-04-26T14:47:00.002+08:00

Saturday 26 Apr 2008, 2:45 pm

Half day IAP is a waste of time. The worse part is having nothing to look forward to. It is Saturday but I couldn't find a leisure activity. I should really get used to loner activities.

Anyway, being at work and signed up for some company's "reader digest". It is all engineering stuffs, and sciences and, many of what I don't even know of. Man, I feel like I haven't studied before. Conclusion : I'm still dumb.

Alright. Short post. See ya~

2008-04-26T01:01:00.003+08:00

Alright. Sat 26 Apr 2008 1 am.

Way past my sleeping time, but I was enjoying myself playing dota with my friends. Not winning, but enjoying. Sadly. My pride is drowned by the amount of things that I had lost and lost in.

That aside, I just found out that all my activities for Saturday are canceled. Tons of vulgarities came spurting out of me but fine, lets not bring it here. I rather go out with Green. At least she isn't THAT fickle-minded. All of you guys aren't guys.

Updates :
Green said that her phone is gone, dead. So I couldn't sms her. [Point A ] I kinda miss her.........smses. ( ^_^ ). IAP can be a hell of boring times. ( -_-||)

Alicia came back from London. So, Hao, Vin Vin, Alicia, and me went out today on Thurs. Caught The Hotti and The Notti. It wasn't as bad as the reviews said, though I agree some parts are really off-point/what-the-heck moments. Most importantly, it is fun because we made time for each other. What are friends for? To say you're too busy every time they ask you out? LoL ( Random thoughts)

The only form of entertainment now in the company is to email Piyo. Talking crap or complaining to each other "REALLY" helps a lot. But I also seems to realize that I'm actually not feeling too good emotionally.

Uncertainty + Jealousy. Uncertain of what I want, not going for it, not pursing it and might possibly lose the opportunity. Jealousy in seeing others in happiness, appears nonchalant but seeking it desperately and attempt to prevent others from getting it. I am what I snubbed. Irony. ( Rust = FeO2 = Iron * 2[Oxygen], thus Y = Oxygen/2 )

"Irony = Iron * Oxygen/2 " - Joseph Ng Jun Wei

Ah, yes. I went back to NYP on Wednesday after IAP to check out the Judo club and also Green. By the time I arrived in school, most of them left or are leaving for dinner. Thus I ended up going with them to eat at Newton. I didn't see Green at the piano ensemble, which either mean that I went to the wrong venue or she didn't go. I couldn't get to her either as "Refer to Point A".

Newton food is absolutely delicious in proportion with their price. Period. Nuff said. Piece of advice : Bring lots of female friends and share the bill. :P

Good. Nigh... Morning. 1:33 am

2008-04-21T17:49:00.002+08:00

5:48 pm Monday 21 Apr 2008

I'm still in the office waiting for a company transport. Man. It must have been a bad choice to think...... ah nvm. My laziness pwnt me. My head spins due to stress, commitment, and...and.... I don't know. This would probably be a post of nothingness but words that even I won't comprehend when I managed to calm down.

THINK. . . need to calm dooooooooooooooooooown.

Anyway, I was busy with the freaking documentation the whole day. It was smooth til I get to some websites that aren't user-friendly or of any use at all. Managed to inch my progress every hour til I feel like going home at 4. Luckily Alicia asked me out today for a gathering which gives me a goal, but now it became a stress as I'm going to be late! ARGH! Spins. Moreover, as I stayed back, Marcus managed to talk to me on SKYPE! ARGH! =/ I should had ran off from here.

Sigh. I need to chill. CHILL! I don't like this job. I want to know more stuffs. I rather learn how to chop trees down to make those documentation papers than to compiling them. I think I need to go for R&D industries where they don't make you do brain-less work routine.

HOW IN THE HECK! 6PM NO TRANSPORT YET? Sigh. It is my fault. MINE!

My heart is in a mess. My brain is blended. My body is fine. No one knows what's wrong with me!

Ok. Emo? Depression? :P Bye.

2008-04-20T22:50:00.003+08:00

Ok, so I went jogging earlier, around 10 pm. That's the route that I took. I guess it is approx. 3.8km. Hopefully, and I managed to not stop once. Sweet. Guess eating lunches and meals even if you aren't hungry helps keep your body in good condition.

Anyway, 10:55 pm Sunday 20th Apr 2008.

Promised Green to go out study with her yesterday, and so I did. Had hotcakes, flooded with maple syrup for breakfast, then we went down to Orchard in search of the library at Taka. Shit. I guess I haven't been in town for quite some time. Or at least the library there or that isn't there. We managed to find a place at Starbucks. She studied and did her homework while I read her comics and enjoyed my iced caramel macchiato.Then we went to have lunch after getting tickets for The Other Boleyn Girl, even though we aren't hungry. ( This is a good habit. )

I didn't know the show was about historical events until half way through it. It is about how King of England broke off with Roman Catholic Church for a girl, who managed to tempt him, and caused havoc around her family and England. I guess the King's senses were shrouded by his micro tadpoles.

And then and then and then, -back to first paragraph and picture-

Mood. Excellent. No more moody Sunday which I stays at home and thinks the unthinkable. Saturday was excellent too.Work -> Polar, gayness -> Green, dinner, walking around -> Polar, Leo, Forbidden Kingdom, LOL. That gay show.... man................. you must watch it! And you must be Chinese to be able understand how hilarious it is!

Ah 11:15 pm, time to get my shower and sleep. Long day ahead. Goodnight.

2008-04-18T23:12:00.003+08:00

Ah, frustrating week. Agonizing.

Friday 1113 pm 18 April 2008

Just came back from dinner with my family and Aunt. Vista Kitchen's food is still up to standard. Chili crabs nice. Fried prawns yummy. Kangkong belachan with cuttlefish not bad.

I finished Blood Rock already. Nice. I don't know if I really like the book but at least I didn't stop reading it like I did with Harry Potter : Order of Phoenix. I spent times meant for sleep to read this book. Nevertheless, I can finally sleep with a peace of mind.

Job : Ah, the event sort of just tided over. Nothing much. Just an explanation letter to Marcus and he replied formally to me, and I believed, BCC to everyone relevant in this case. Editing pictures and stuffs are really getting into my head. It makes me sleepy, and feel like sidetracking alot. Experimenting. Sigh. I'm really absent minded. I kept forgetting to keep my equipment. My mind doesn't seem to understand that I wasn't really working there and it is not my "Area" over there. Messy guy I am.

I will be doing documentation next week, unfortunately, it will be as boring as hell. At least after learning how to really do it, and it is a really big pile of documents and books to convert to PDF files. Alright. I think I am the convertor of the company. First, it was scans into nice powerpoint animations, then there is photographs into powerpoint pictures, and NOW ta-da documents/catalogues into PDF files. Someone got to do it right? Ya~

About my mood, I'm rather peaceful today, and wasn't desperately seeking attention either. Blood Rock was my entire focus today. I didn't mail/sms Xinyi at work (neither did she ) and didn't sms Green either, or anyone of particular. Beside getting bored at work for a short period of time before I start messing around with a bit of calculations and running of some devices. Not much of an objective. The others that I felt that have some kind of objectives or learning opportunities are all stuck somewhere, or given to others to do.

Went jogging with Caryn on Wednesday. I think we jogged approx. 6km. Man. She beat me hands down. My stamina is so bad that it makes me think that I had really wasted 3 years of my life idling it away, thinking that I am so successful in life with a CCA and a girlfriend. Neglected my studies and now feel like a total dumb ass who is still stuck with secondary school knowledge. Neglected my CCA after getting a girlfriend, and now feel exactly the same as above. Losing the girlfriend after all this amplified the combination of 2.

What's life when you don't live it for yourself?

=/ Ok. How did I managed to get to that from jogging.... shit...Zz...

Ok. Sleep early, think less. Night all.

2008-04-15T22:24:00.002+08:00

1025pm Tuesday.

Anger. All too timely. Signing of a frigging document and a call from Marcus. I guess that's what they need to get me on the neck. All the well. Welcome Fujicon Engineering IT staffs. Welcome to my splendid blog.

A private blog. Not anymore. I guess I have to cover up myself with layers of lies and shit to get out of this. Is this the working society? Where everyone hides behind, looking for whatever penny you drop, and replace it with whatever crap they have.

Who can I trust now? Everyone's hiding behind their lies and shit, or a beautiful smile or sweet face. It doesn't matter. They never bare their hearts to you. Never ever, even if they make an effort to smile in front of you, while talking to you, or while simply look at yngou. They don't really care. A conversation can end with a phone call. A walk together can end with turning backs. What can I say? I felt it since the first day? I tried to believe that everyone's true, but it seems that as one grows older, the harder for them to really open up themselves.

Those who don't really look at you, don't talk to you. I believe they are the one who won't spend time digging holes for you, as they most probably be digging for others in their path. I have no will to vie with anyone, nor outdo anyone. I just want to do what I can to my best knowledge. If anyone thinks I'm overdoing something, tell me. I will stop. If I'm breaking their rules, tell me. If I'm stepping on their toes, tell me. So I can remove my feet before they try to break my neck.

Anger. No. Sadness. Despair. I see no future in this. This pitiful world.

Why do I feel such immense emotion? Why am I tearing? Why do I care about a bunch of hypocrites? Why do I even feel guilty, depressed while trying to condemn them? Why am I still tearing?

My heart is indeed lost. As I placed values on the wrong stuffs.

2008-04-15T11:09:00.002+08:00

I'm blogging at work again.

Tuesday 1130pm, I'm not working hard at work though I had thought of it. Ended up lazing around in the store, toilet, office, in front of the laptop, reading forums, reading blogs, smsing, thinking lots of crap, think too much, and finally think that I'm wasting my life sitting around, in office working.

I can't really imagine what my life will be like 10 years down the road. Working? Slogging all the way without really getting anything but money so that I can get something down the mall? Remember the times when people, movies, family and friends asked you about your dreams and what you would want to be when you grow up? I don't really see anyone that cares about that anymore when they grew up.

12pm, random thoughts and a bit of packaging made 30mins flew like an ion moving towards an opposite-charged plate. Yeah, crappy metaphor. Been doing a lot of that. Anyway, it is lunch-time now.

I can't say I feel sad, but I can't say I feel positively happy.

1211, I just went to the lobby and received a parcel. Anyway, I'm not having lunch again. Don't need the extra energy I think. I must get a healthy alternative for breakfast, nasi lemak isn't that healthy, and it is getting on my vomit nerve. Eating too much of that. ><

Went out with Green yesterday to Kinokuniya. Actually it was supposed to be an afternoon meeting but it ended up with me over-sleeping and thus we only reach there around 9pm. She bought 5 books, 4 thick ones and I got myself 1. Finally, something that I can read, and no more wandering in the library for now. Maybe Green read my blog and thought of this method to get me a book indirectly. Haha.

On my oversleep part, I was sorry because I only reached home and settled down around 1pm to rest after a whole night of cycling. All the way from ECP to Changi Village. Park connectors rock. Had nasi lemak over there for breakfast. It was around 5am. ( OH MY FRIGGING GOD)

It was a whole night of fun. Me, Tony, Vincent Ang, D.D, Edmond ( Ed's blading O.o ) took photos, enjoy the night scenery (planes, stars , forests), enjoy the cool breeze and enjoy each other's company. No one complained or whined, just cycled on and on with me playing an "inspiring" song on my phone. =D

We spotted a python on a road near to Changi Beach Park. I wanted to wrap it up and put it in my bike basket but received strong objections of fear and care from them( Other pythons, nah.. friends ). But, we managed to take some pictures with "it" :D It was just lying around, seemingly to be full from what observed to be rather large bumps in its slimy body.

On the same road (on the way back ), I received an encouraging message from my IAP boss who was leaving for Shanghai. Cool. Perhaps I saw his plane took off. :P I wished him bon voyage and he asked me to sleep early. lol. He knows I can't stop sleeping at work. Finally we felt tired and slogged our way back to the rental shop. Took a water+powder bath, we felt refreshed and waited for the shop to open. Then, we went down to Macs to have breakfast. Ed treated us with his shocking 2.7k Mac points, using up around 2k of it. Thanks Ed.

We slogged to Marine Parade and took 966 back to Woodlands before splitting. Fun.

Long entry today. :D I feel like cycling again this Saturday.

2008-04-13T01:13:00.002+08:00

Alright. Saturday 12.04.08

Went through half day IAP today. Woke up and saw Alicia's sms from Italy. :D Alright~ But I was dazed in the morning due to the lack of sleep thus I managed to reply her when I'm on my way back home later in the afternoon. :D Good thing she didn't forget about me.

Couldn't get people to come out today. Even though I was tired, I didn't want to spend time cooping up at home. I thought I, polar, ks and jw are going out in the evening to go celebrate jw's brother's birthday but then I was informed that polar and ks not going as it is too far too expensive, according to jw. Man. How much does it cost? Moreover JW had a change of plan to cut cost, which is to celebrate at heng's place, then we know that polar's going out. Sigh.

And thus, I dragged myself home, walking in the little afternoon drizzle. I felt down. Serious. Am I the only one who people can find to go out any day any time with just a simple call/message? Oh wait, I know there is Leo who is willing to come out anytime. =/ I can't express my confused feelings anymore. I don't want to make my friends angry with an angry confused post of mine anyway.

Forced myself to sleep. ( Not really, since I AM tired. [Guess no one appreciates me anyway. =P]) Lol. I dreamt of Alicia. Is it in the afternoon or during last night....ah... can only remember vaguely. There is supposed to be a story with it or something, and some several other friends. Ha.

There will be a time when I will change my phone number, my life and many other stuffs. I will not inform anyone. I will be gone. I wouldn't be around for anyone anymore. Meaningless world. I see no future here. My exact thoughts in the afternoon.

Fine. I might do that. Meaningless world. :D Smiles. Bye

2008-04-10T21:42:00.002+08:00

Thursday 10/04/08, 9.45pm

Cool. Feel so dead today. Not having enough sleep is really getting me. Somehow, it wasn't that bad either. Maybe I have gotten use to this feeling of death.

I didn't manage to do alot of tasks today. Smsing Green, email Xinyi once. Then, nothing. I guess. I don't feel the urge to do work for Everfeed. Sadly.

I keep having the urge to draw though. Man. Sigh. Maybe I'm just too tired and feeling hysterical.

And, I even went down to Bishan today. <_< What was I thinking anyway.... Doing stupid stuffs every day. I think I am digging deeper into my world of emptiness.

Sigh.

Alright. Smiles. Bye. :D

2008-04-10T00:22:00.002+08:00

Alright. It is time for the entry of the month.

Being sometime since I blogged, which I can proudly attribute to my IAP which is sucking the life out of me. And also, I was feeling very miserable.

Over and over again, I began to notice that some stuffs are better left unknown. Sigh. I have to stop here...

Nah, just kidding. But it is getting quite late for me to type a long entry now. I still have to shower and stuffs. =/

Chatting with friends really get me away from the lonely IAP student mood. HA!

Ok, short entry.

Ciaos

2008-03-10T08:28:00.001+08:00

Alright, currently at my IAP location.

Being some time since I blogged again.

Busy. BBL!

2008-02-27T13:42:00.002+08:00

27th Feb Wednesday

Sitting at KouFu, using my friend's laptop. Finally a computer that isn't infested by games that will continue to suck my life away from me. So I decided to do some normal chatting online and typing my blog.

Feeling crappy. Real crappy. The emo part of me acting out again. I can't help but to feel this way. Engulfed by my emptiness. Someone had closed up on me. Made the wrong move. Wrong stuffs. I really didn't hope it will turn out like this. Not the first time I had made wrong decision, I guess. My whole life now is messed up due to wrong decisions.

The wrong result. The wrong me. I wasn't like this.

IAP. Attached to Everfeed Technology. Couldn't even find it on google map. Somewhere new, small, un-noticed. Hope it will be a nice place to work in.

But, it isn't a good place to try to get to. There isn't any public bus services. Well, hopefully there's a company bus that can take me from Woodlands.

Sitting at Macs now as there isn't any power point at KouFu.

Still, I'm feeling very crappy now. Emptiness rox! Sigh. Talking to people is somehow a way to perk me up a little.

2008-02-24T03:22:00.002+08:00

Oh shitz. I seems to have forgotten to blog about my zoo trip? Did I?

Alicia even made a powerpoint presentation for it. :D Private stuffs, come my place and I will show you.

Yeah, Alicia, Vinvin and Hao decide to go out as a group that day. It's after exam, and we are all graduating [Let's ignore the fact that I'm doing 1 more semester]. Somehow, Alicia was very concerned whether we will meet up after we get out of polytechnic. True, friendships are fragile, but I think we will maintain it somehow. LOL

I suggested to go to the zoo and they seems pretty ok with it. Alicia even suggests going Night Safari too. Ha. So, we did. Took lots of pictures, lots of fun and laughters. :) It's definitely better than staying home playing dota none stop. =/ The day before the trip, at Edomondo's place, we were doing that. Kinda frustrating as we kept losing. Little kids are pawning us!

:D Yup. Next times

2008-02-21T16:58:00.003+08:00

Ah, new day.. Ok, guess all my friends in polytechnic are going to their next phase of life. NS, Uni, or work? I still have one more semester to go. Regrets inevitable.

Anyway, waiting for my results now. LiangK smsed me that I passed. He really takes care of me. Heh. Nice lecturer.

Hey, if you haven't notice, there's this baby egg at the main page of my blog. Help me level it up? :D

Playing Fiesta due to the coercing of my friend. Uh Ok.

Pretty much the same, feel like going out for some bball.

2008-02-16T23:52:00.002+08:00

Okay, examinations over now. I wonder when my attachment is coming. Weird.

Stayed over at VinVin's place last night, after playing rounds and rounds of dota. Sucks. Hate losing, but oh well. Ate breakfast at KFC, then went home to shower and rest. Ended up watching animes.

Allen Walker is cool. :P

Alright, went down to Sembawang to play some bball with Leo's and his friend. OH MY GOD. THE BASKETBALL COURTS THERE ARE SO COOL. THERE'S NO ONE THERE. Shucks. Ended up wasting my time playing with small kids and we lost. :P I don't wanna hurt them. =X

Anyway, today is ending in around a minute or so. And I'm going to start work again. The break was nice, but costly. So, Goodnight.

2008-02-10T13:18:00.000+08:00

Oh yeah.. being some time since I wrote something here. Kinda busy lately, exam, CNY , and etc.

Yup. About my previous entry, yup. That was the end. Nothing nice to write, unless if you wanna talk about the 25 ants that I ran over, or the 3 blind mices that was squashed, or the big bad wolf that was hospitalized after being hit by me?

Right.

Anyway, CNY. Cool. Food. Food. Food. Drinks. Drinks. Drinks. Fat. Fat. Fat. Lots of chocolate out there tempting me. Vanhouten, Rocher, Herseys, and some other expensive ones. DUDE! WHY IS THERE SO MANY CHOCOLATES OUT THERE? I THOUGHT THERE SHOULD BE MORE BAK QWA?!

Nevertheless, it was fun. Hong-bao moneh was in minute amount but it should be able to sustain me not working for the time being.

Anyway, there's alot of good looking girls out there. Geez. (random remark)

Just ton at polar place yesterday, sorta like a CNY dota celebration. - - JW and takki. Oh well Tired. I should take some rest.

Seeya.

2008-01-30T20:35:00.000+08:00

Well, I went out to cycle today. LOL. Ok. Teh End.

2008-01-27T23:27:00.000+08:00

Friday Chalet was fun. :D Lots of foods. Lots of it.

Peiying, Brenda, Anthony, Lynn and Feng Tao was there when me, Leo, Ben and Polar reached the pit. Cool. Peiying looked gorgeous that day. :P First time seeing her wearing something else other than gi? Somehow, after Ben reached, they stopped cooking. Sadly. But we got to eat some of the chicken breast that they bbq-ed.

Ben took over, and well, not bad either. Crayfishs, soft shell crabs, chicken breasts and other etc. Dammit. I want more crayfishs. And I brought Dry Gin to share, somehow Lynn got abit high. The usual get together session, and stuffs. And some "childish" gun shooting, should had just use a knife and stab someone. Well, it is on my to-do list now.

Pei Ying and Brenda left around 10.30am. Ivy was told to stay over by her mom. Oh yeah, forgot to mention that she arrived after us. Had fun with GH3, walking around, and stuffs. Anyway, thanks Ivy for being around. I thought of more stuffs.

So, Anthony had his birthday cake and song. And the rest played and played. From this, I know I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings and people. Cause I couldn't write anything else.

All ended in the morning. Ivy pang seh me =/. I woke up from the little nap I had, and got to know alot of stuffs I missed. Lots of stuffs that even I thought wasn't important. It started to think more. Haha.

I lost alot. I really did. I didn't appreciate what people gave to me too. Wasn't really that meticulous as I thought I were.

Worked as usual. Nice working environment. Bleah. Ended. Monday 12am now. What a waste of time. I'm still thinking and searching for a light in my life.

2008-01-21T23:42:00.000+08:00

Come on, give me a tag if you are reading. I'm sure you know how to go to the tagboard with the link that is just beside of the link that lead you here.

Cool. Well, nothing much is happening, without considering that the final tests are just around the corner, overspending, Valentines' Day, Lunar New Year, working, hanging out with pals, playing games, NOT going to lessons, overeating, procrastinating, not getting slimmer, blaming life, and there's really nothing else to do.

Today, hanged around in school after school to help Alicia with her scalpel modelling. I found out that she is still VERY angry/frustated/unable to stand/hateful/ZOMFGWTFBBQ with Leo. Sigh, Why do I have multiple gal pals that can't stand some of my guy friends? Sigh Sigh Sigh. Forgive them please?

Anyway, I had also wanted to get a bicycle, but by the time I figured out something for Alicia's scalpel, I had to leave the lab after which me, Leo, VinVin and Hao went down to Kranji to have a budget nasi lemak, after which then we proceeded with my plan of going down to Marsiling to look for the shop, after which we found out that it had already closed for the day , after when on the way home, I met YangHeng who told me that Jiawen was playing bball at the court, so I went to play some bball with him and then after we went to get a drink before going home.

And so, that concluded my day.

I think I have pretty much given up on my emotional needs. Lets fill it up with the materialistic ones. :D Guess I'm just kidding about it. But it seems like it is really tough to be Okayasu.

BRB.

2008-01-20T03:10:00.000+08:00

Alright, updating. The aircraft game that I had been talking about is AfterBurner. Cool stuffs, I'm improving, but couldn't advance further than Innocent Sky without finishing 1 credit. Sigh.

Went to church on Friday with Alicia. The one beside Nativity. Smaller one? Punggol Park? Uh well. She booked with me 1 week in advance! I had to go! lol. O well. Come to think of it, I don't remember going to mass. I mean I do, but.. well, I don't remember what happen during then.

Uh, WELL. But, I still couldn't get a hold on what exactly that I want. For life that is. Sigh.

Anyway, there's some stuffs and things I want to do and get. [Am I contradicting myself? ]

Ha. I don't want die working. ALright, gotta get ready to sleep, HAVE to work.

2008-01-16T01:04:00.000+08:00

Ah, enough with gloomy stuffs.

Went shooting ducks at the pasa malam at CWP with leo and polar. LoL. Kinda suck with zero calibration and bad shooting skills. Every shot is unique! wow~ So, we didn't win anything from the game. But well, I finally got a plushie for leo in the other game. Cleared 5 cans with 3 balls. :D Patrick plushie.

That was monday.

Today, went arcade after school with Alicia, Hao, and Vin who was with us spiritually. :D Bishi Bashi Training today. Kept playing that with them, while I play some other games like the aircraft game and zaku II.

XD. Alright. Sleep

2008-01-14T03:27:00.001+08:00

3:30am

Yesterday was scary. What the hell was I writing... XD EMO surge.

Anyway, Sunday work was pretty teh same and I messed up some stuffs on Sat. Negative feedback. Anyway, what should I be writing on today? Gosh.

Monday Monday Monday. What should I do today?

Sigh. Signing off. :D

2008-01-13T01:39:00.001+08:00

Ah, Sat work again. Becoming a part of my life. I think I'm working more regularly than attending school now.

What's the point... at least I don't sleep at much in class now. I think. Future seems so... future to me. I really can't imagine what would I be doing.. at all. Looking at the crowds move, when I'm working, really get me thinking.

I would be thinking. Alot. Where did all these people come from... Do I have a reason to be meeting them? interacting with them? or whatever should I be doing? I kept seeing events that I felt that I had saw before. Memories that I had, somewhere, sometime. It feels unreal, yet.. uh.. Somehow I don't feel real anymore. Can it be that what I'm experiencing now as my 'life' is just part of my imagination, an elaborated dream?

Sigh. It makes me tired. Perhaps it's just my way of running away from life.

My feelings are messing up too. Looking at couples shopping for their new home. I would be wondering about their lifes. How would it be? Different from mine? Different from one and other? Came out with a thought halfway through today's work. I don't want to settle down like them yet. I still want to play around. [If I know how. :D]

No. Not exactly playing around. But, to experiencing more. Kinda feel that my previous relationships were pretty empty. I wasn't working hard for any of them. [ or did I? ] I can't remember at all. Fading memories. But then again, why would I?

What am I anyway? What do my friends think of me? ... Am I part of their lives or just a passerby? My friends are probably just my imaginations of my life which is all but my dream.

2am Sunday.

Signing off then. Make me feel alive.

2008-01-11T00:20:00.000+08:00

Keeping my posts short and sweet.

Finished with a few short anime series. Shuffle, Sola, Peach Girl, Yoake Crescent Love... Uh. Ok Fine. All the kiddy love anime. :D They are kinda fun to watch, and it is funny. At least better than Hi 5.

Simple stories. But they can get you touched. Maybe it is rare to see this "simple" stories happening in real life.

Uh, I need to control my spendings. Guess I used up more than 200 in just a fortnight. Gosh. On things that you can't see, or that you can see but utterly useless. [ those frigging plushies =D ]

Uh, well, they are therapeutic.

My thoughts. Locking up in myself again. Even I couldn't understand. This world that I live in, why am I here? Do I have a purpose? Who are all these people who I had never seen before that I saw today? Why am I thinking about all this? -Locked-

Ah, bullz. Life's simpler this way.

More, I have more.

Bye my blog.

2008-01-07T02:22:00.000+08:00

Finished watching an anime called Shuffle. Right.

School started. I see.

Bye.

=) I can't think of anything to write. Damm.

2008-01-02T00:31:00.000+08:00

1st Jan. WoW. All I do for today is sleep. Seriously, I fell asleep last night around 4am watching D.Gray Man. Got up for a shower at 10, after which I fell asleep again.

Somehow it is already 12.30am now. 2nd Jan. Wow. Good rest for my body and soul, I think.

Life is going back to the boring self again. But it will prolly get busier with school resuming today.

Getting my pay soon. Sigh. It kind of gets me thinking why am I working for. 3 months had passed already since I started working. Sigh. If life's like this when I leave school, I will probably feel lost.

Working to keep ourselves alive by using the money we get to buy food to feed ourselves. If everyone just keep themselves alive by growing food themselves, will the world be different?

Very different perhaps.

Bye.

2007-12-28T02:11:00.001+08:00

Great. Xmas dinner at YH's place was as good as you think. The whole place runs like a restaurant.

So, to make it short, it was good. Not a plain Christmas after all.

Watched Dvds til 430 in the morning before leaving the place.

That's Tuesday. Wednesday = Blank.

Thurs. Today, went out with Alicia and Vinvin. Caught the movie MissionSexControl. Somehow, it isn't really .....ah... Hitman is better. Though it was funny at times.

Went back to Woodlands to meet Wai for some bball. Damm ankle. It needs to heal faster!

Nothing much. Same boring life again. Alone.

2007-12-25T14:50:00.000+08:00

Sunday work, then went to K pool with Ray and Andy until 3am.

Christmas Eve. Dang. Rejuvenating at home. No one asked me out until 1am. So, I took a cab down to Serangoon Garden to meet Jessica, Shi Jie and Robin. We went to Clarke Quay to chill. Ended up in TCC. Had a hazelnut frappe and some spicy pasta that Jessica couldn't finish. Pasta average, but the prawns are delicious. Jessica kinda drank half of my frappe cause it was too spicy.

Didn't do anything much after that, sat at TCC for another 30mins before leaving. Well, ended up at Hougang to wait for the morning bus.

Eve's over. Christmas dinner at Yangheng place later, gonna try out his brother's cooking.

2007-12-22T02:44:00.000+08:00

AH! CRAPPY.

Dammit. The stupid ankle is giving me the chance of slacking! RAH!

Oh well. Bleaching myself for the past few days. It's a nice anime.

Working tomorrow again. Days passed quickly.

See ya.

2007-12-19T03:48:00.000+08:00

Alright, Time to write some stuffs. Sprained my ankle on Thurs. BBalling with the usual gang and Wai. Kinda careless with that game.

And so, couldn't do quite some stuffs for the next few days til Sunday, which I went to work. Aki came to meet me after work, was planning for a movie but scrapped that idea cause it was too late. Then we went to play a game at Raiders, after which I sent her home and then took a cab home. Yeah, it was quite late, cause we talked abit.

Monday = Slack. Tues = Work. Ray went down with MC again. Nasty food poisoning.

Anyway, boredom. Been watching Bleach. AH. Ok. Tiring but can't stop.

Shall continue watching. Ciaos.

2007-12-13T23:49:00.000+08:00

Thank you for taking the Creativity Test. The results show your brain dominance as being:
Left Brain 36%
Right Brain 64%

You are more right-brained than left-brained. The right side of your brain controls the left side of your body. In addition to being known as right-brained, you are also known as a creative thinker who uses feeling and intuition to gather information. You retain this information through the use of images and patterns. You are able to visualize the "whole" picture first, and then work backwards to put the pieces together to create the "whole" picture. Your thought process can appear quite illogical and meandering. The problem-solving techniques that you use involve free association, which is often very innovative and creative. The routes taken to arrive at your conclusions are completely opposite to what a left-brained person would be accustomed. You probably find it easy to express yourself using art, dance, or music. Some occupations usually held by a right-brained person are forest ranger, athlete, beautician, actor/actress, craftsman, and artist.

Your Left Brain Percentages
47%
Reality-based (Your most dominant characteristic)
27%
Linear
21%
Logical
14%
Sequential
14%
Verbal
9%
Symbolic (Your least dominant characteristic)

Your Right Brain Percentages
64%
Concrete (Your most dominant characteristic)
64%
Fantasy-oriented
29%
Intuitive
28%
Random
24%
Holistic
13%
Nonverbal (Your least dominant characteristic)

Alright. Cant copy all those craps. =P

2007-12-12T01:36:00.000+08:00

Alright. Tuesday. I actually missed out on today's Hougang bball. Sorry Jess.

Anyway, I think I failed my test today. So, oh well. Then I was supposed to study and stuffs, but I went to catch a movie with Aki.

Grabbed a bite, a big one, at PS Kopitiam, after we got the tickets for Hitman. Then played the bball machine at PS arcade, it was so easy. But I couldn't be bothered to play much, and the show was starting.

Hitman. Great show. Aki was abit slow with the plot. She kept asking me. LoL. Ok. Nudity in the NC16 show. Other than that, the plot is really packed with actions and fast paced. I would definitely watch the sequel if there's one.

Sent Aki to her block and chatted for around an hour. Then my dad came to fetch me. =P They guessed my break-up with Yaling. Haha. Kinda slow, but at least they noticed. My mom was like "Hmm Good Good". Ok. What the heck.

Got home, and Caryn asked me out for a run. 12am. OK. ON! We ran approx. 3km after which I couldn't stand it anymore. Alright, she beat me. Fine. Then we played some bball til around 1am.

Blogging after arguing with polar dude. Deep misunderstanding I guess. Can't we even have a proper arguement?

Time 1:48am. Time to go. Bye.

2007-12-11T12:28:00.001+08:00

Why do I still feel so empty when I'm supposed to be so busy?

LoL. Tough Life eh.

I already forgot how to key in her number when I sms. Reminiscing. Stuffs.

Caryn told me I need to have an aim in life, so that I won't feel empty.

Aim?

Sigh, Signing off. Morning.

2007-12-10T01:56:00.000+08:00

Alright, I was kinda busy for Sat & Sun. Well, maybe Friday too.

I went to collect my pay on Friday at AMK V.Hive. Then I met Ray there, well, I stayed there and chatted abit. Kinda bored as there wasn't much sales that day. The pay seems messed up, so I took awhile too. And, met Ken from GreatWorldCity V.Hive.

Ray and me kinda had a bet to see who will finish what the other treated to drink first. He got me a Guiness Stout, and I got him a Tonic. LoL. He lost miserably. =P lol. $3 stout for 60cents Tonic. What a rip off! Oh well, it was a challenge, and I know he can take alcohol. So yeah.

We went to walk around, got dinner for Ken, [ We are not gays.] then we returned to the outlet and chat abit again. They kept calling me to slit my wrist whenever I complained that I'm bored or sian. Dumbass. And lots of gossiping crap, after which he treat me to a can of Heineken, and another Guiness, followed by more gossips. Then another Heineken after closing. I think I was already tipsy.

Went home around 12 and fell asleep til 2.30am. Uh. Probably due to the beers. Woke up due to my sms alert. Oh Aki. Fell asleep again after that, and woke up at 8am. Somehow, I was late for work at 10am. LoL.

Work was boring as usal. Saw Fly at IMM. LoL. He was selling cameras. Then there was this Xing Guang Shi Shao PK crap there. I remembered some banshee froze me with her ghastly high pitch. But others were rather good. Met Fly on the train back home too. Quite a concidence as he was supposed to finish work an hour earlier than me. Chatted and stuffs.

Home. Msn, shower, slept. Nice. Sunday. Work. Late. Crap. Crap talk with Jayson. Work. Work. Boring. Smsing Aki. Crap talk. Crap with customers. Annoy them. Annoy myself. The last customer really got me irritated, nearly screamed at her. Geez. Ray came down during closing. LoL. More crap talk.

Home. Msn, sms. shower, ate, msn, then blogged all these craps. I wonder who will read all these craps. =P

Alright. Bye.

2007-12-09T08:35:00.000+08:00

Busy. -_-" or rather ..... life less. Life is boring!

LoL, maybe I should cut my wrist. =P

Be back later.

2007-12-05T22:53:00.000+08:00

Alright. Wednesday.

I think I gonna make Wednesday as my break day.

Tuesday was a hell lots of fun. I went to met Jessica at Eunos at around 6pm, then we get down to Hougang for BBall. Familiar faces, cool. Then, we started playing 4v4. There's Lawrence, Nicholas, Jessica and me on our team. We kept winning, continously for around 5 rounds of 7 points.

Lawrence has some gay (powerful/cool) moves, Nicholas has good rebounds and close-range shots, Jessica did quite alot of great "center" moves and a couple of far shots. Well, I.. just played around with Nicholas backing me up. Cool. Law and Jess did some great passes, but somehow my reaction isn't fast enough. Anticipation isn't there.

It is really fun and all. It is not about my personal skill anymore. I really appreciate good team mates that moves, attacks, defends and apologise if a mistake is made.

If you really think you aren't good enough, do something about it. Improve and not rely on others. Even I myself need improvement. Though I always gauge whether my teammates are reliable, I know I'm not good enough. Be strong and stand on your own.

Alright, after the games, we went to have dinner at a nearby coffeeshop. Jessica and I shared Niang Miah..Whatever it is spelled. =/ Oh yeah, there was Guo Xiang, Joel, James, eh.. ahh can't remember. Some auntie keep forgetting one of their order. So he went without dinner. LOL.

On the way home, Caryn called me telling me she's restless, so I went to met her and played bball again. at 12am. =/ Wow. Restless. Played abit of bball, went to her house for a shower and talked abit til 3am. Filled up the gaps where I didn't contact her since everyone grad. Guess alot of friendships ended too. LOL

Wednesday -
Morning practical exam, then did powerpoint presentation for MEMs as well as the report. I was frigging sleepy. Then MEMs lesson for presentation, which I think I did erm. Badly. =P I'm still a bad presentor. Stage-fright I guess. After that I went home and rest.

I woke up at 10pm. My entire house was in darkness. LOL. Completed the escape game which I played awhile before sleeping earlier. Watched abit of animes on Central then I came in to blog and chat.

It is now 230am Thursday. Talked with Yaqing about Yaling. Some stuffs that will make me a bit upset but also stuffs that I wanna know.

Alright, that's all. Bye =

2007-12-03T01:33:00.000+08:00

Alright, went to Leo's bbq after work. Haha, asked Jessica to come along, and she brought Yuan along. I kinda forget about this guy. It had been so long since I saw him, or actually think who is he. Nevertheless, I don't mind getting to know more friends.

Jessica is.. mmm. a great person to have at a bbq. Let her do all those cooking! lol. Experiences beat everything. Eating, playing, talking.. LoL. I don't even know what to blog. Didn't get to sleep, played cards til 530 then sent Jess and Yuan off before going to shower. Slept for an hour before leaving for work. LoL.

Very tired, but I love my colleague. He let me rest, in the storeroom. Slept for like 20% of my time there. Sales wasn't that bad today, sweet, more money. I was too tired to even try to starve myself today. Somehow, I am too heaty today. Kept having nose bleed.

Thanks Polar, KS, JW for coming down to AMK to gather today. LoL. Thought you guys will just go out and chill without me, but you guys came for me. Sweet. What are friends for? Haha, had chicken rice after work. It is delicious. Superb soup that came with it.

Somehow, they are worried that I got dengue again. lol. Nose bleeding? Thanks for the concern. I think I will be fine tomorrow.

-I met someone in the morning. Weirdly, he claimed to know me. He told me I will be fine and I should go dutch. It is weird, but I will remember him. =)

2007-11-30T20:26:00.000+08:00

Guess I had done abit of work for that project. Did I mention abit?

Sigh, I guess polar is still angry with me. But what can I do? Both are my good friends, and I certainly know that what he did was wrong. Even for leo. Still, they are my best buddies. Maybe as buddies, I should had let them know. Corwardy me.

Hope this incident didn't hurt our friendships. Worse for me being in the middle of it. =/

Today was quite rejuvenating for me. Waking up, sleeping, waking up. It's so peaceful. Moreover the whole room is so clean. I feel so good.

Alright, couple of friends asking me to go out tomorrow and stuffs.. but I'm working. Sigh. Have to reject them. Or, do some special arrangement for them. I can give up my lunch break to walk around with them if they want.

Leo's BBQ tomorrow, perhaps I can arrange to go after work. Need to ask him then. Maybe I will stay there overnight, and then report to work the next day after showering there. More plannings needed. Luckily I got 2 set of uniforms. Ha.

Guys, I really want to gather with all of you, but I need to work too. So sorry. Perhaps on weekdays? I know you guys are busy too. So yeah.

2007-11-30T13:57:00.000+08:00

My arms are aching badly. =/ great. over-usage of my tricep muscle. Basketball, Push-ups. I think the push-ups are the killers. Sigh.

Nevertheless, I tried. Hopefully, I can get some result by the end of the year. I'm hoping to drop back to 75 kg. Haha, I'm trying.

2pm now, I still owe Alicia the report. =P But I got bored and came blogging. Alright, going back to report. Maybe I will come and edit this post later.

Oh yeah, Canon rock sounds great.

2007-11-30T04:16:00.000+08:00

Ah.. Did some housekeeping. Well.. at 2am. It's already 4am now, but I'm really happy to be in a clean room.

It feels... much... ........... cleaner. =)

Wahaha, but still kinda weird to do it at such time. And at the expense of not doing Alicia's project. =/ Not really good. Alright. First thing tomorrow will be rushing out that frigging report.

I'm trying to get my life back on track. Being going out with Jessica to play basketball. I really love it. Why did I left it in the first place? Sigh. Maybe I should start searching for people who love it as much as me to play with me. My usual group of friends. Sigh. Please play with me leh? I don't want to neglect you guys. =/

I wonder if you guys are thinking that I'm wooing someone. Actually, I'm not. I'm just trying to enjoy my life. I had wasted enough. I used to envy. Envy people who know this.. know that, but never actually going down to learning it myself. Pretty pathetic. Actually I love how a guitar sounds too. But I'm not really into Heavy Metal, or.. what ever Led Zeppelin that you told me about. Perhaps I never listen enough. But it is not justified for you guys to say I suck.

Hope you get what I mean. I would never say you guys suck when I know something that you don't, so I don't really appreciate that gesture.

So sorry, Alicia for that little big incident. My friends were being insensitive. Me too. Sigh. Thanks for actually pointing out my flaw.

Alright. almost 430am now. Time to get some sleep. Perhaps I will be playing badminton with Alicia, Vin, Hao tomorrow. LoL.

Bye.

2007-11-26T01:54:00.001+08:00

退后

天空灰得像哭过
离开你以后

並沒有更自由
酸酸的空氣

嗅出我们的距离
.
一幕锥心的结局

像呼吸般无法停息
抽屉泛黄的日记

榨乾了回憶
那笑容是夏季

你我的过去
被順時針的忘记

缺氧过后的爱情
粗心的眼泪是多余

我知道你我都没有错
只是忘了怎么退后

信誓旦旦给了承诺
却被时间扑了空

我知道我们都没有错
只是放手会比较好过

最美的爱情回忆里待續

2007-11-24T23:55:00.000+08:00

Alright, just got back from work. LoL. Cool boring stuffs at work. =] Dammit. Doing sales is crappy with sales.

Anyway, still thinking of her. Gosh. =/ But still ogling at girls during work today. So many pretty faces and hot bods. What am I supposed to do? =P

So darn bored. Anyway, met up with polar after work. Ok, didn't do anything but... lol. Meet for fun lor, nice to crap abit now and then.

And, so many things to do with my friends too. Like meeting up with Jessica to play basketball sometime soon. Bringing Alicia to see some sofas at V.Hive. Erm.. and.. can't remember. LoL. Now I have all the time in my world, need to plan it. =)

Oh yeah, I didn't mention that I'm working at V.Hive furniture shop, did I? Haha, come find me if you need a new wardrobe, bed or a boyfriend. =P

Ciaoss

2007-11-22T21:33:00.000+08:00

Haha, She just told me to go meet her someday to get back my clothings that are left over at her place. And She isn't home too. Out with her new bf. Somehow, this didn't get me angry. Finally put myself at ease.

Was confused for a moment. Wanted to go back to ask her like I did the other time with Jasmine. Perhaps I did wrongly the other time. It was obvious. I worried too much. I should had been more .... suave...[ is it the right word to use] when dealing with matters of heart.

It had always been like this. I can always tell my friends to break up when I know that something is wrong between them. But I couldn't do it myself. I'm reluctant. I'm worried that I might hurt them. I want to take up responsiblity even though I know I couldn't do it.

Perhaps I'm wrong all along. I'm not being emo about it. Finally found someone who I can talk this with. He managed to open my mind. And I believed. I know I'm not good enough. And I need more confidence.

Ok. Wait. I didn't mean He. LoooL. Not God for Heaven's sake. =P

Sidetracked. -_-"

=) Finally at ease. My heart isn't swaying.

Metamorphosis.

2007-11-22T11:46:00.000+08:00

Oh, currently sitting outside of the tutorial room waiting for my friend

I'm bored. lol. Forgot to bring my hp again today. Geez. Crappy memories. Anyway I was trying to reach for my ring on my middle finger today without me realising it. Ha.. My body still haven't get use to the break up. =P

Like how I'm not used to wearing watches. Still wearing the Levis watch she gifted me.

2007-11-21T18:15:00.001+08:00

O.O Surprised that you still remember me. =) Nevertheless, nice to "see" you again, after so long. Fuzzy memories came back, haha thanks for reminding me. Guessed I forget to remember the good times more than the bad. No wonder I'm so emo.

Ok. Emo isn't such a good word to use. LoL.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=emo

Pretty funny explaination and well, I didn't know it's a type of music. LoL

Starting to feel better already. Still think of her now and then, but she has the right to choose anyway. I will just stand back like I had always been.

I can also use the time to concentrate more on my studies, though not that useful now. -_- regret thinking that grades don't matter til the final years. How immature. I can also concentrate on getting myself back to working order. LoL

Body been malfunctioning. I mean.... I can't even run 1 km without sweating? This is not me, and I had been blaming it alot on life. LoL Emo syndrome. Have to make it work myself.

Retarded Polardevil today tempted me off Judo today. =] lol, ton a night over at his place, am tired anyway. Perhaps will go for a game of bball, with my bro. Gundam Jeremy. =) LOOOOOOOL

Thanks Jasmine for dropping by, leave more comments when you do again. This is a lonely emo blog. =P

Ciaos

2007-11-20T00:23:00.000+08:00

Why am I contradicting myself? Whenever I say not to think of her, I would be thinking of her at the moment I write this down, and it will be with me for the next hour.

Is this reliance or love? I couldn't differentiate it anymore. Integrate it then. =/ Jokes. Trying to make myself smile, it works when I'm with peeps. Trying to be funny. Trying to forget. Trying to change.

Still, I feel the same emptiness. And everything will be over when I stop writing about her on here. Somehow, I don't want it to go that way. But, I couldn't give myself a definite answer.

EMO.

Putting it away, it is me who you see. I guess no one was able to read me at all.
-----------------------------------

I went for class miraclously... is that right... on time. LoL Was expecting Mr Vinnp, as I rmb him saying he would be taking us. But it's ok, I don't hate LK. Just abit full of himself when he explains stuffs. Time passed quickly, and after that I met up with Polar.

Went back together, had lunch at Pastemania. Went to find a bag. Failed. Went to timezone for some gaming. Boring. I really hate timezone for limiting their bball machine to only 4 balls. I have to wait so long for the ball to roll back. = = Few games of pinball then I left for a haircut. Polar went home with my bag first. Went there after my haircut for some gaming fun. Leo came. Sweet. Dad and Mom asked me to go down for dinner and then I'm here after settling my private stuffs.

LoL, I have to post something normal. =)

Alright.. Ciaos

2007-11-19T11:36:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling better now. At least I think so. Had a new haircut. ZOMG dorky. Sigh. Really not suitable for my FAT build now. Trying not to think so much about her, but every now and then, I would be feeling my middle finger for the ring that I had wore for so long.

Anyway, went to look for a nice backpack today. but, sigh.. I think I'm too fat for any backpack to look nice on me. Really dont wanna use a sling bag, cause it stinks my chest. =D

Sigh. Alright. Signing off.

2007-11-17T22:37:00.000+08:00

Broke up on the 15th. Talked through it with her though she is the one who suggested it.

Well, its the 17th now, didn't sms once or call. I should let it go then. I wonder why am I still worrying about her. She got 2 other guys actively on her tail, and she is out with them late at night at the arcade when she is supposed to be having a curfew. Alright, let it go Oblivious. It is for her, to let her become happier cause you couldn't do it. Just hope she won't do anything foolish.

Oblivious. Have I mentioned about metamorphosis? Planning to use it as my new nick/motto. Oblivious. Yeah, I really need the metamorphosis. Couldn't be the same anymore.

Had not told alot of my friends or even my family about it. Maybe there isn't a need to. But it feels weird when my friends ask me why she didn't come, or didn't follow me.. or anything related with her. Guess I really spent alot of time with her without me noticing it. I lied to them that she's working. And I didn't expect her to be outside at arcade when I call her at 10pm. I feel bitter. Wanted to send her a sms full of sarcasm, wishing her happiness with her new life.

But, alright.. I'm not that much of a loser. It hurts knowing that my 17 mths relationship is really over. I need to adapt again. I really don't hope to get into a relationship again too soon. I'm certain that I would not be able to do much for "her", empty promises, fading love. After that it will end again.

If I really love her enough, I wouldn't had let her go.

For the last time,
Yaya.. I loved you.

2007-11-15T02:44:00.001+08:00

Having some changes now. Am I emo? geez. Oh well, my temper isn't really good nowadays. Awfully bad. To someone. I wonder why. Sigh.

Im teh lozer.

Metamorphsis

2007-11-12T01:49:00.001+08:00

Well, done fixing my tagboard, AGAIN. Dying due to in activeness...well, can't anyone of you help me do that? And I see my report still on the previous entry. Had to do that due to hotmail's timely break down in service.. - -? Gonna remove it soon, if not.. I think the other BME studs will start finding my blog due to google search on their next reports. Cool Eh? =)

Start working again nowadays, Cool. Having a income again, which means I can buy more stuffs...... for myself hopefully. Lawl. Why m I blogging... oh yea, gonna find a new skin.. or make one.. if I wanna learn that is... HTML SUCKS! cause I'm bitter that I don't know. It applies for Guitar Heros, Drummania, DDR and Keyboardmania. =P Bah!

Keeping myself busy is better than feeling lost. Working rocks. Game sucks, but got to know a new girl. ZOMG. Cousin of friend, what a small Earth... or.. Virtual world?

2007-11-09T13:29:00.000+08:00

Abstract

Non-conventional MEMs Processes

Micro-stereo lithography

Micro-stereo lithography (mSL) has been developed to produce highly precise, three-dimensional (3D) microstructures from broad selection of functional materials, especially biocompatible materials. In principle, mSL utilizes focused light to scan over the surface of a photo-curable resin, which undergoes photo-polymerization and forms solid microstructures. The mSL fabricated devices, containing complex engineered microstructures which are covered with self-assembled functional groups, can work as a unique interface between the nanometer scale functional group and Marco-scale bio-medical samples, therefore can find applications in Bio-MEMS.

The MSL system and the principle of operation

Sol-gel Coating

The sol-gel process is a wet-chemical technique for the fabrication of materials starting from a chemical solution that reacts to produce colloidal particles (sol). Typical precursors are metal alkoxides and metal chlorides, which undergo hydrolysis and poly-condensation reactions to form a colloid, a system composed of solid particles (size ranging from 1 nm to 1 μm) dispersed in a solvent. The sol then form an inorganic network containing a liquid phase (gel). Formation of a metal oxide involves connecting the metal centers with oxo (M-O-M) or hydroxo (M-OH-M) bridges, therefore generating metal-oxo or metal-hydroxo polymers in solution. Drying process serves to remove the liquid phase from the gel thus forming a porous material, then a thermal treatment may be performed in order to favor further polycondensation and enhance mechanical properties.

The applications for sol gel-derived products are numerous. One of the largest application areas is thin film, which can be produced on a piece of substrate by spin-coating or dip-coating. Other methods include spraying, electrophoresis, inkjet printing or roll coating. Optical coatings, protective and decorative coatings, and electro-optic components can be applied to glass, metal and other types of substrates with these methods.

Cast into a mold, and with further drying and heat-treatment, dense ceramic or glass articles with novel properties can be formed that cannot be created by any other method.

Nanoimprint lithography

It is a novel method of fabricating nanometer scale patterns. It is a simple process with low cost, high throughput and high resolution. It creates patterns by mechanical deformation of imprint resist and subsequent processes. The imprint resist is typically a monomer or polymer formulation that is cured by heat or UV light during the imprinting. Adhesion between the resist and the template is controlled to allow proper release.

Thermoplastic nanoimprint lithography

Thermoplastic Nanoimprint lithography (T-NIL) is the earliest nanoimprint lithography developed by Professor Stephen Y. Chou's group. In a standard T-NIL process, a thin layer of imprint resist (thermoplastic polymer) is spin coated onto the sample substrate. Then the mold, which has predefined topological patterns, is brought into contact with the sample and they are pressed together under certain pressure. When heated up above the glass transition temperature of the polymer, the pattern on the mold is pressed into the melt polymer film. After being cooled down, the mold is separated from the sample and the pattern resist is left on the substrate. A pattern transfer process (Reactive Ion Etching, normally) can be used to transfer the pattern in the resist to the underneath substrate.

Photo nanoimprint lithography

In Photo Nanoimprint Lithography (P-NIL), a photo(UV) curable liquid resist is applied to the sample substrate and the mold is normally made of transparent material like fused silica. After the mold and the substrate are pressed together, the resist is cured in UV light and becomes solid. After mold separation, a similar pattern transfer process can be used to transfer the pattern in resist onto the underneath material.

Electrochemical nanoimprinting

Electrochemical nanoimprinting can be achieved using a stamp made from a superionic conductor such as silver sulfide. When the stamp is contacted with metal, electrochemical etching can be carried out with an applied voltage. The electrochemical reaction generates metal ions which move from the original film into the stamp. Eventually all the metal is removed and the complementary stamp pattern is transferred to the remaining metal.

Laser Micro machining

Laser micro machining provides non-contact machining of very high resolution, repeatability and aspect ratios and can be fully automated

It can be controlled to do localized heating and requires minimal re-deposition.

The product normally requires no pre/post processing of material and could be done in a wide range of materials: fragile, ultra-thin and highly reflective surfaces

Ultra fast or Long

Ultra fast means that the laser pulse has a duration that is somewhat less that about 10 Pico seconds - usually some fraction of a Pico second (femtosecond). "Long" means that the pulse is longer than about 10 Pico seconds, that is, longer than the heat-diffusion time. These long pulse lasers may be continuous, quasi-continuous, or Q-switched, but in any case they are generating long pulses compared to the heat-diffusion time.

Laser Micromachining of Silicon: Fabricating THz Imaging Arrays

During fabrication of THz imaging arrays using laser micro machining of Silicon, the silicon substrate is contained in a flat vacuum cell under a slowly flowing ambient of chlorine. The thermal micro reactions of silicon in chlorine are chosen because of their speed. The chlorine ambient reacts with the silicon at temperatures near the melting point to form volatile silicon chlorides, which are pumped away from the surface . A ~1 micron³ of silicon is brought to just above its melting point by a focused, CW argon-ion laser operating at 488 nm wavelength. The (circularly polarized) beam is deflected in the x,y plane with a pair of computer-controlled galvos. A field size of 256 x 256 pixel elements can be addressed in random access speeds up to 5 x 10⁴ pixels/s, or in a raster mode up to 2.5 x 10⁶ pixels/s. The chlorine gas pressure, laser power, and scan rate are adjusted to give optimum surface quality. Waveguide surface roughness values measured with atomic force microscopy are typically on the order of 200 nm RMS. This surface quality is already sufficient to provide low-loss waveguide performance to > 10 THz. The RMS surface roughness can be reduced even further, to under 25 nm using standard polishing etch solutions. When necessary, multiple fields are stitched using a 4 inch travel x,y stage driven with stepper motors. Once the micromaching process is completed, gold is sputtered on the micromachined structure to make it conducting.

Laser bonding/Welding

The process involves using an interlayer of a mixture of two materials and reacting the materials with laser irradiation to form a thermally stable compound suitable for bonding the bodies together.

During LB process, a focused laser beam is transmitted through a transparent glass wafer and absorbed by the surface of an opaque silicon wafer. The absorbed laser energy melts a thin layer of the opaque substrate as well as the transparent material near the interface. This melting results in the formation of a strong chemical bond. In the present study, a LB workstation with the necessary apparatus was developed for experimentally establishing the correlation of the bonding process and its material parameters with the resulting quality of the bond. The parameters of contact pressure, surface roughness, the thickness of the intermediate oxide layer and bonding geometry were examined for their influence on the bond strength. The typical bond strength achieved by LB technique is 10 MPa. This strength, as measured by a tensile test, is comparable to the strength of bonds obtained using other major wafer bonding techniques including fusion bonding and anodic bonding. The bonded interfaces were analyzed using Auger electron spectroscopy (AES) and X-ray photoelectron spectroscopy (XPS) to define the mechanism of the wafer bonding through evaluation of the migration and diffusion of different atoms among the glass and silicon substrates during the bonding process. The main advantage of using the LB technique is that the bonding process can be performed at room temperature with a relatively low contact pressure and a reduced bonding time. There is also no need of applying a high electrical potential. TLB can be easily integrated into an existing semiconductor production line without adding a vacuum environment.

Conclusion

Reference

www.wikipedia.org

Mae.fulton.asu.edu/files/shared/graduate/Jong-SuengParkSpr06.doc

Biomems.uta.edu/Research/LaserPoster_files/FemtoLaserPoster.ppt

http://soral.as.arizona.edu/micromachining.html

2007-07-23T13:51:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling lost.

Ask me what I wanna do? What I wanna be?

I don't know. I really don't know. Just feel like idling the rest of my life away.

Nothing really interests me anymore.

I have no aim. From a long time ago? Now no motivation. No drive. No feeling. I'm indeed turning oblivious.

How much do I care?

2007-07-02T13:57:00.000+08:00

Lost.

=]

2007-06-10T01:37:00.000+08:00

Looking for a job. xD Anyone recommend me?

2007-06-05T00:43:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday Polar. Lol. Wow.. first thing I said after being away from blog for so so long.. Just nice eh? I couldnt remember until he said it. Sigh. I dont even remember my parents birthday, I have to be fair right?

Sigh. I think I love myself more than anything else. Selfish me. Why am I even saying this? Is there any links? LoL. W00t. The self reflection blog. AKA talking-to-self blog.

AH.. I forget what I wanted to write the past few days, as again I procrastinated and often sinking in my inferiority complex. W00t.

Inferiority complex due to my looks, weight, hair loss. Ahh... all belongs to the 'looks' category.

Why is it that I think I'm spending too much time with my gf that I don't have much of my own? Is it just me? I want freedom? Independance Day! Nah.. I just hope my gf could be more independent. Read some old mag lying around my bed. (ya my bed) Some articles about how girls can keep guys commited. Blablabla...

Cant blame her too. xD Im not Mr Nice guy anyway. Hahahahaha. I feel like exercising evryday, but I end school ard 6 everyday. She will be expecting me to go home to play game with her, or go her house to play with her, as well as watching 9pm serial.

To be serious, my eating habit remain pretty much the same, but I used to play basketball 24/7 even when I had have a gf. Ask polar. He knows, or at least his sister knows. Yea yea.. I'm still as selfish as ever. Fun more important than everything else eh?

Ok, back to myself.. I think love is so... LoL. To make me think I love you? Simple. Just break my heart and I will know. If not, I won't. If I feel nothing when you try, means.. you know. <-- this paragraph sucks.

I'm so bored with school. So boring. I keep saying to myself that, if I wanna study, no one can beat me. But I think this killed me. I really sucks now. Studies.. sigh. Just getting bad to worse. Why cant things be as interesting as when I'm still young.. like primary school? Is my self complanace (com-play-cent..WHATEVER) growing out of proportion of my real abilities? Or m I just lazy...? Skikamaru rocks, but he's a genius. I'm just slight abv avg in IQ. Polar isnt doing too well himself already. (His IQ higher than mine...as much as his fats =X [the difference is getting lesser {hey,this means im getting cleverer??}]) =D

Alright. Be back later. (the word 'later' works wonder, as there isnt a limit, unlike 'tomorrow')

2007-04-21T23:35:00.000+08:00

Some time since I blogged.

Yaya broke her collar bone this wednesday during a rehearsal which she wasnt in the first place. I noticed her during the front part of the rehearsal, maybe I should had stopped her. But I didnt know such things could happen.

She in great pains this few days, as TTS wanted her to wait for a week til she can see a specialist. Her condition of the bone isnt that good already, why cant the hospital arrange the appointment some what earlier? So she do not need to go thru the pain and popping of useless painkillers. Maybe SGH could gave a better service.

Anyway, she is emotionly unstable this days. Regrets, and keep thinking that she is a disabled person now.. and that she will nv recover or last the 7 days of waiting. I do not know how to console her. Just hope that being around with her will make her feel better. 5 more days to go, hope everything will be fine. Muack Yaya, Jia you! =)

2007-03-08T22:29:00.000+08:00

Back here again. Used to only come here when Im sad and depressed. Thus, feels abit weird that Im blogging now.

Actually Cant really remember what I had wanted to write a few days ago.

Went polar house to bai nian. The last day to get hong bao. YEAH~ It wasn't really fun, but still I enjoyed the friends' company. =) Sigh, once a year. Maybe not that long, but it's really hard to meet up. Well, at least for someone like me. Yeah, I can't be bothered to go organize all those stuffs. Not that I don't like, it is just that my irregular planning would probably end up in a bad plan anyway. =P

Oh! Xinyi and Subi got together. Shocked. >< Quite lar. Maybe I just don't know what type of guys Xinyi like, that's why I had feel abit shocked. Jason, was abit too. As long as she's happy bah. I have no rights to say anyone else.

Vexed. =) Seems to be going well still with yaling. Wonder how long can this last. Maybe I can't love something forever. Maybe. Who knows what's coming for us in the future? Maybe I had die. lol. Just found out that the syndrome for dengue was somehow like leukemia too. Rashes appear on skin... low platelet count. xD ha.. Luckily it wasnt leukemia for me. =) dengue is good enough.

Anyway, Bored. =}

=]

2007-02-27T19:17:00.000+08:00

Am I really emotionless? Unfeeling?

What is wrong with us? We were still playing game together happily. Til something in the game made her angry. I couldnt stand her attitude and talked to her harshly. Quarrelled. Being like this. This process just repeats itself on different events everyday. Smile, laugh, quarrel, cry. Becomes a routine. I couldn't stand it. I started being harsh on her attitude.

She let me know that it was my irresponsbility that made her stop being nice to me when I do things wrong. Thus her attitude. So, it was my fault. Ultimately, it strains the relationship. I hate it. I'm a carefree person. She don't like it. Too carefree she says. No plan, no goals. No emotions.

There was one time, her manager at hotel dont like her, thus stop her from working. She was sad. She called me. She started crying. I told her to stop crying. Stop crying for that bastard manager. She shouldnt cry. She got very angry with me. She says she just want someone to listen to her. She is sad. She want someone to comfort her, not to tell her to stop crying. She feels that I'm not doing my part as a BF. I told her it is ok to lose that job since it has a F-up manager. She says it is hard to find a job and a job that she likes.

I was stumped. I don't know what to do. Apologising wont help. Was I wrong? Was I really wrong? Am I that bad as a BF? I was at a loss. It happens all the time. Our characters.. Who should be the one changing? Both of us blame it on our characters. She hope I will change.

If it is that easy. Changing someone's character. 5 tears. Why won't she change then? Am I selfish? Why do I feel that she's selfish too? Aren't we all selfish?

Counting my tears. Why would I be tearing now.. when I didnt even shed one yesterday.. Countable tears.. so little.. Maybe I'm really emotionless. Oblivious..

Blog.

2007-02-27T18:49:00.000+08:00

Seems like it happened. At least I won't make her cry for my irresponsbility anymore. I don't want to ask her back to hurt her again. Let her go.

My character...

Will I change?

Uncertain of what to do now. Prevented it from happening so many times. Hurt her that many times. My little acts that which I think was alright, hurt her so much. It's not on purpose, but it's still caused by me. Caused so naturally. Am I wrong? Where am I wrong? Why can't I feel that I'm wrong? She had told me so many times. I said sorry that many times. But I never change.

Maybe it's still the best to let her go. She's giving more than I can return.

2 drops of tears. I'm still not good enough for her.

2007-02-22T17:45:00.000+08:00

Hmm. again. 3rd post of the day. It rained. =D I fell alseep. And well.. as I thought.. i couldnt hand up marketing report.. so im pretty depressed. but What could I do.. there was no miracle. =D

Sleepish. Crappish. Damm my bro's BOA songs. go away.

2007-02-22T06:55:00.000+08:00

Wait. Im back here again. Yeah. from reading blogs. wtf is with ruo ying blog.. someone took over and use some hidden languages or codes? valerie's not working.. polar going fine..

I think Polar is the only readable blog on my links. For me at the very least.

Sad. Whats with me. The urge to blog again.

Noooooooooooooooooooo.

Bye.

CNY

2007-02-22T06:23:00.000+08:00

CNY! Shortforms for the win. =D

Was down for dengue a few days ago. for a few days. Pretty new experience. TOo bad it wasnt a life-and-death experience, if not I may treasure stuffs more. =D

Wait. what should I write. Im bored. I was late for blogging this entry. told someone that I had blogged a few nights ago. HA! GOT WAIT?

Not sure what to type. Good morning. 6.33am. maybe i should go to sleep. =D

Sigh. Dont think I could hand up my marketing report now. =( oh whatever. Sleepz FTW

=/

2007-01-18T03:00:00.000+08:00

Hmm, Bored. Bored. Bored.

www.archspace.org - playing this game now. As well as maplestory, WC3.

Sigh. I really hope some friends can play this together with me. But, all of them think it is too difficult or tough to learn to play. So I'm bored.

Nearly broke up a few times with her already. Holding on. Mixed thoughts.

Anyway, my life is still the same. But, I'm really losing hope in my life. Too bored with everything. Maybe I'm more suited for single life. It's the reverse when you are single. ROFL.

Ok. End. Nothing much to say as I'm on the phone at the moment.

=)

2006-12-26T15:16:00.000+08:00

YoYo~ I think piyo is the only one reading this now. Haha. If there is anyone else reading this, please let me know. It may or may not affect my blogging habit .... from seldom...to barely seldom? =)

Pretty much forgot about everything before my holis, just that I'm gonna do badly for my exams. Anyway, went for the 3days Judo camp. Nothing sort of EXTRAordinary, just EXTRA tired, since I had been missing for trainings for a month. Yea, sorta dis-motivated. Gaming is so much easier. Just need a chair and move little fingers only. Understand my power-saving scheme?

Let's talk about the camp. Was late for the first day due to yaling not wanting to wake up. LoL. Slept late due to late packing. But she stil forgot to bring her sleeping bag the next day. ^^ whatever.... and she brought her wippo there!! ^^ whatever... AND.. ya.. I acted like a big shot being very late. HoHoHO! Merry Xmas. Enough of side tracking. Normal training after that, then there was this black belter, Ivan sensei. I don't really agree with his goal. Nxt para.

He said, "The most important part of competition is to win." yea, seems alright. ",even if you play dirty." ok, not fine with me. Is he being too honest? Nah, dont like him, but I will stil use his technique. Hees. I'm a hypocritc..argh how you spell that.. h-i-p-p-o-p-o-t-a-m-u-s... hmm seems right.. Anyway, he taught for an owl only cuz he's a busy man. ^^

Night run concludes the first day. Food sucks except for a few meals, drinks ok except for a few meals, not enough supper. ^^ Save me from saying all this later.

5am 2nd day, Mr Francis woke us up for morning run. Rain in SINGAPORE!! Get the tix! Nah, it was a rainy morning but stil he wanna run. So be it. I'm a very team guy. Everyone go! YooSH! Ran to Pierce reservoir from NYP. Boring. Too boring. The big problem is.. not everyone is as fit as one and other. Then we have to wait and wait and wait. I dont really feel like running. Anyway, the rain made my shoe as wet as a soaked seaweed after the whole thing, so I threw it away. Adidas FTW.

Btw, Francis was not supposed to be in the picture for the camp. So, somehow, some OBVIOUS way, SOMETHING not nice happened. Not going to elaborate, but I don't feel too good if someone was to overwrite my plan.

2nd night ended after training at Katong. Yeah, went out to our sensei's dojo. Small but cosy. Cool skills taught and learnt. By now, body isn't feeling too well. Aching.

3rd day, we went to train at Bishan Park Sec. Woo, I know they will be good. But I didnt know we suck that much. Secondary is the prime time for you to really join a cca and learn something. Poly is just too much of a hassle. Anyway, I used a technique learnt from katong and choked a guy from BPS. ^^ happy! yeah. modified tech. but I didnt play with that sensei from BPS. bad feeling. Lols.

Took a cab back and rest. Then swam. Then watch a stupid show, which no one wants to watch except me. Then Xmas xchange. Then end. Nothing much. LoL.

End End End End End End End.

Did I lack out lotsa of stuffs? haha. I know I know. Nvm larrzz. Post too long le.

New.

2006-11-02T20:54:00.000+08:00

Great. I'm back again. Don' think there is anyone reading my blog anymore. After a long period of pausesage. Whatever that word means. Somehow my tagboard had been taken down by fooble. Great. Cus no one wants to even scold me for not blogging.

Joseph Ng Jun Wei is very tired. Yea. I want to...[omg.. my english is so bad tht i cant find the correct phrase,word,sentence.] VENT my frustation. Somehow, I know I cant carry on my life like this anymore. Like what? Like playing games everyday, like wanting to play everyday, like wanting to sleep every moment. like....I got the feeling that I will be unfaithful to my girl. Like I want all distinctions for my studies but not still slacking like last sems. Like wasting money on my girl. Like wasting my time on frigging transports due to the that.

Ok. No. It's not my girl's fault. I think a good guy wouldn't mind a girl wanting to be with him every moment. I'm just not good enough, and I hate being clamped between friends, girl and games. For my sake, please avoid causing me to enter such dilemma, cause I might just freak out and screw everyone.

Privacy, room for me to write my tots. Nah.. this is not the place. I don't want to get my girl upset when/if some mofo/SOBs proceed to tell my girl about my rantings. Nah, no one I can talk to. Guys are bad listeners and girls are ...well... my girl get jealous pretty fast. I'm tired. Tired. I hate the "Do you love me?" stuffs. Does 3 words prove anything? I rather find someone to read my heart, then to get myself to try to understand myself.

Yeah, I'm a loser that don't know what HE wants. Except for pleasures without effort, free money, free food, everlasting time.. I'm tired.

I don't think I want a useless tagboard. Just send me comments thru msn. maybe I would create another blog to post my tots. Tired.

ESP

2006-07-03T14:22:00.000+08:00

oseph, when it comes to psychic abilities, you have an unusually strong talent in the area of Remote Viewing

This means you have an uncanny ability to travel great distances with your mind, to virtually any location, and actually get a true glimpse at what is located there. The best conditions for traveling space with your mind, or remotely viewing another location, are silence and a calm state of mind. Even without these conditions, you managed to show considerable talent in this area, which is called remote viewing. This skill is phenomenally valuable and has been used by institutions such as the government to help in covert operations designed to retrieve information about the whereabouts of a criminal or to learn about the operations of another country. But mostly this can help in practical, everyday ways, such as instinctively grabbing an umbrella before making a trip to the next town over even though you had no way of knowing that it was raining there.

2006-06-27T01:43:00.000+08:00

Joseph, the thing you need most in a relationship is Deep Connection

In your ideal relationship you and you partner would be deeply and passionately connected. This sense of intimacy is really important for you. As is the need for certain rules and an understanding of who wields the power in your relationship. But regardless of how this works, your deep need for this kind of closeness will ultimately drive your relationship.

----------------------------------

Joseph, you're Calm, Cool, and Collected

Do your friends like to lean on your shoulder? Ask you for advice in life and love? Put you on speed-dial for emergencies? We bet they do. You're as balanced as they come. When it comes to making decisions, you're not afraid to take the time to weigh your options carefully in order to make the right choice. And it takes more than a few obstacles to rattle your cool head.The good news is that you've also got lots of heart, and you make sure that people know that you always have their backs. There's almost nothing more important to you than the people in your life, so being a support to them is the coolest thing around. Just like you.

2006-06-27T01:35:00.000+08:00

Joseph, you're a Bashful Kisser

Sure you might be on the shy side as far as kissing goes, but that's a quality more people than you might think really go for. When you were younger, was it hard for you to talk to new people — especially when it came to someone you were interested in? Yeah, we thought so.Lucky for you, many people, back then, and now, think that shyness is adorable and a huge turn on. After all, there's a comfort they get from the feeling that you don't lock lips with just anyone.When it comes to kissing, you're probably a little hesitant to try new techniques. Heck, you might even prefer to stick with gentle pecks until your date finally decides to take it further.While shyness is nice, just remember not to get so anxious you forget to have fun! Know your comfort level, but experiment a little — even if that just means a public display of affection, or we dare you, a nice long kiss — eyes open, lights on!

-------------------

Joseph, you're fit to commit because you know what you want

You don't need us to tell you that you're on the right track. A cool and confident person, you know what you want; now it's just a matter of finding it. Even more important, you know that love is about much more than what kind of clothes they wear or car they drive. And you're ready to make it work.You've gotten to a place where you are happy with your life, and you're ready to share it with someone special. So whether you've found them or are still looking, know that this time, you'll get what you want.

monday

2006-06-12T15:40:00.000+08:00

First day of the break. Mmm. not really.. but it's monday. The blues.

Chatted with yaling the whole day yesterday. No life. Yeah. Time passed quickly with games and it was midnight already. So.. Yeah.Slept at 4.30. Woke up at 1.30? Should be around there. Haha.

2 hours had passed. Did nothing significant. Smsed yaling. Talked to Juey. (He's damm bored and asking for ppl to go out) Talked to JY. Auntie Joyce talking to me now. (Mrs Polar.) LoL. So yeah. I'm bored.

Let's write abt last Friday. Met up with Leo, Yaling for cheap lan-ing. In the end it wasn't. Usual rate. Played til 11.30pm. Tekka mall. Somewhere at Little India. haha. Then, erm, we decided to walk walk. Because Worm dont wanna go home. (figure it out) We walked to city from there? Gosh. Shaws tower. Bugis. Then we were lost at Cityhall. Haha. We decided to go Cineleisure to watch midnight show. erm. Yeah. Wandered. Stopped and ate a 7-11 store. Not bad. (typo. yea. we ate a store.)

Walking and walking. Erm, we got to cineleisure? Thanks God! Yea, because He didnt rain fireballs at us. Anyway, we reached there at 2am? lol. Benchwarmers at 2am slot. Chiong in ah!! YL was like wanting to watch horror movie. Yea. To my horror, we didn't. =] Benchwarmers. Retarded nipper twister! WooT! Laugh. Retards.

Anyway, after that, 3.30? Decided to pool? Walk over to.. erm.. Dhoby again. Wanted to bring them to a place where I went last time during Joanna's bdae. Remembered the route. somehow. Woot. The place had being closed. Wth. Then I toppled a stone pillar. [ lol. x) ] Angry! Nah. So, we figured that we could take the Night Riders to wander around. 3 dollars to everywhere. How cool? Took NR6 at Park Mall. All fell aslp. Shoo-ed down at Pan Pac Hotel.

We waited for bus. 4.30am. Hey, why aren't the bus stopping. Puzzled. THEN WE FINALLY KNOW THAT NIGHT RIDER SERVICE ENDS AT 430AM. GO TO HELL. MYUK! lol. damm.
So, we went to sleep around.. to wait for MRT service to start. Hotel. SHooed. Citybank ATM WOOT!! SLept!! Hee. =] COol. Cold airconditioning. Woke up at 6. Left me and YL there. Where's leo. -_-" and who is that couple there? Angmoh and Chinese CB. =X Faster wake up and went to look for leo. Paiseh sia. my god. Leo came back from the toilet.

Went down to Citylink. COntinue sleeping at. erm the cafe near MPH. Okie. Shooed. Fine. SIngapore is not wanderer friendly. Yaling came back with us to Woodlands. Me and leo had a change of clothes. Then we went to eat breakfast at Vista point. Followed by a walkwalk at NTUC civil and then CWP. LoL. YL reserved a shoe. (just one. (jking)) Leo went home to sleep.

Then I sent YL home. Afternoon. Slept over til around 5pm. Went to buy cup noodles and had it as lunch. Stayed there til 7pm. haha. Then I went home to sleep. End of friday.

Cool. Adios.

=]

2006-06-07T23:56:00.000+08:00

Wednesday.

Well well, 4 days since I last blogged. Had been busy cum lazy. You should know the feeling of not wanting to doing anything after a long day. yea.

Nothing unusual happened. Caught a movie with Pris today. Xmen. =] COol show. All the effects. The storyline is good too. bah. But.. there's some parts that feel like a horror movie, and then some parts are arousing. Oh well. =] *woohooo*

Haha.. about my feelings. It's still the same. No. No one in particular. Looking through the choices. No one is really that special yet. That's how I'm feeling now. No matter how cute or pretty or nice, there's aways better. I'm not sure what I'm searching for. VOID. Unstable.

But I know I'm still yearning for someone that I can/would like or love or.. whatever...care.. Damm. I'm just lazy.

And, school works. Boring boring. Maplestory is better. -_-" at least I can stay at home. Don't feel like going anywhere. Tests, projects, practicals. I can do them. But..

That's pretty much about all. [Maybe it will all ends up with passes and move on to the nxt sems. (I can never get into university bah)]

Cya.